Gisele’s supermomdel theory
And the supermodel said: ‘You shall breastfeed!’ Non-model mom Carrie calls for balance.
(Getty Images)

I had a dream last night. It wasn’t pleasant. I was one of J-Lo’s back up dancers and she was reprimanding me for not having firm abs like her when I’ve had only one baby whereas she’s had twins. Then she poked me in the jelly belly and shouted at me in front of the other back up dancers. It was horrible and humiliating.

I woke up torn between doing five hundred sit ups or eating five hundred Kit Kats. The Kit Kats won. So you can imagine my further irritation when I switched on my computer and saw a Daily Mail article quoting supermomdel Gisele Bundchen’s super smug parental pearls of wisdom straight from la la land. 

To spare you the agony of having to go there and read it yourself (and – horrors – see pictures of Gisele in a bikini six weeks after giving birth) I’ll summarise the best bits for you.
Firstly, she says she doesn’t understand woman who give their babies ‘chemical food’ instead of breast milk. Then goes on to say, ‘There should be a worldwide law that mothers should breastfeed their babies for 6 months.’

Now I’m totally pro the boob and I was fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed for 7 months, but hello Gisele, some women aren’t that lucky. For some women breastfeeding isn’t an option, try as they might. So I say you can take your ‘worldwide law’ and shove it up your perfectly toned butt.

Oh and if that isn’t irritating enough, she also doesn’t get why people make such a big deal about labour. She says all it took was some kung fu, yoga and meditation before the birth and bam! She popped that baby out pronto and then got up and made pancakes. As one does.

I’m the first to admit that I’m a jealous cow, but after my freaking agony 24-hour-long labour and natural birth, I know I’m not alone in thinking that for some of us labour actually is a big deal. Kung fu se voet.

Does it annoy you when celebrities have big theories about parenting issues?


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