Time to baby proof the house!
It's time to lock up the valuables and breakables; your baby is on the loose.
Lock up the crockery! Lift up the cut glass! Hide away the fine bone china! Joseph is on the prowl! Ok, we hardly have any cut glass or fine bone china, it’s more like: pack away the Mr Price Home glasses and the Woolworths mugs but that doesn’t sound nearly as impressive or dramatic, does it?

Ever since our little boy, Jo, started crawling about three months ago, everything is at risk. And the things that you think aren’t at risk because they’re out of reach? Well if Jo can get to them by pushing his closed toy box up to the table and using that as a stepping stone, well then that’s exactly what he’ll do.

I can’t tell a lie, I have used Jo’s demolition man reputation to my advantage once or twice. Those hideous thick, blue Argos mugs that my husband proudly contributed to our kitchen apparel when we married? “Ah, love, I’m so sorry, Joseph must have broken them!”

“What? All seventeen of them?” he asks in disbelief. I nod sadly and hope to goodness the nanny remembered to take that big bulky packet of clanking mugs home with her.

And the problem isn’t just Jo’s climbing and general desire to conquer and destroy anything that is vaguely valuable or breakable; it’s also the safety factor. If there’s a plug hole, he’s going to try and stick his finger in it. If there’s an appliance plug, he’s going to try to stick the whole thing in his mouth.

So what do we do? We baby proof!

Builder’s Warehouse had never seen anything like it: My husband and I on a mission. (My husband is on a mission to get everything on our list, I’m on a mission to contain Joseph so that we get out of the shop without leaving too much destruction in our wake).

Armed with plug protectors, baby gates, thingamajigies to keep the fridge locked and other bits and bobs that resemble cable ties and padlocks, we were off home to baby proof the hell out of our house.

And now our house is completely baby proof, and sometimes a little adult proof as well. Thank God I married an engineer, that’s all I can say. I can’t tell you how often I’ve had to disturb him in a meeting with a feeble question like “Erm, so sorry to disrupt sweetheart, but how do I open the fridge?”

Did you have a crazy baby proofing experience? Share your story with us!

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