I love you, you love me, let’s take the opportunity for some privacy.
‘Trust me,’ said my friend as her 3- and 5-year-olds ran noisy circuits around the kitchen table, ‘you’re going to love Barney.’
When my expression clearly conveyed a counter opinion, she leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, ‘It’s the only way you’ll ever have sex again.’
And true as Baby Bop is bright green, that’s exactly how it is.
My kids are slightly younger than hers but already I can see the patterns forming. Evenings descend into ‘suicide hour’ with our adorable, overtired little lunatics, and after we’ve pulled off the double feed, bath and bed routine, our energy levels are about as high as the peanut butter sandwich ground into the kitchen tiles (which we still have to clean up as well).
Weekends are now a blur of play dough, play dates, seesaws and sand castles. Even early mornings (am I being hopeful here or what?) are usually interrupted by the sounds of childish chitter chatter – or, worse – pitter patter!
Now, I’m not saying that ‘baking’ play dough cookies and building sandcastles with your little darlings isn’t fulfilling. It is. But sometimes one needs more.
Barney can win you some loving time
It’s hugely important to retain a healthy sex life after you have kids. The marital bond is the foundation of family life, and happy, fulfilled parents usually manage to raise happy, fulfilled children.
Sex is an expression of your deep love for your partner and indeed your whole family – remember why (and how!) you had kids in the first place. And if you have to do it to the tune of ‘I love you, you love me…’? Well, it seems a small price to pay.
Let’s face it. You may not have time (or energy) for romantic picnics in the park or moonlit strolls on the promenade, but you can still make an effort. Get a sitter. Go to dinner. Book a room, if you have to. But if all else fails, pop in a Barney DVD and make for the bedroom.
There’s not much in life that you can count on, but Barney is one sure thing. He’s everywhere. He’s on T-shirts, on lunchboxes and in toy shops. He’s got book deals, CDs and DVDs. And kids love him.
Through his international multimedia empire, Barney is teaching my kids about friendship, manners, road safety and the ABC. But he’s taught me something much more important. Barney has given me the freedom to satisfy the needs that my wonderful children can’t. And that’s made me a better wife, a better person, and a better mom.
Annoyingly jolly and freakishly purple though he is, I’ve developed a soft spot for the old dino. Yep, I love Barney; Barney loves me; we’re a happy family.
Would you put on Barney just to get some rumpy-pumpy?
(A) No, only selfish, negligent parents palm their kids off to the TV.
(B) No, I couldn't get in the mood with a purple dinosaur singing in the next room.
(C) Only if I was really desperate.
(D) Pass the remote!
Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.