No one parties like... parents
Planning grown-up parties are nothing compared to kids' parties. How have you earned your party stripes?
(Tammy Gardner)
Parent24 turns two today. Quick, cue... streamers! Party hats! Ball ponds! Those little Boudoir biscuits that someone (obviously not me) has lovingly transformed into tiny racing cars with half eaten Jelly Babies and sweetie wheels!

Because no one parties like parents.

This is a little known fact, actually. Most people think teenagers or rock stars can outparty the planet, but we know better. Please. How hard is to raid your parents’ booze cupboard? Or phone a drug dealer/visit the bottle store/grab some munchies food?

No, no... the true party animal knows that a circle of substance abuse doesn’t really qualify as a party. Intoxicated folk are easy to amuse, and won’t remember anyway.

No, to really get your party stripes you need to be able to tick off at least 2 of the below. Preferably with a wipeable marker.
  • You’ve thrown a party at Jimmy Jungles, without (and this is the important bit) having to have a nip from a hip flask/screaming at the birthday kid/taking an clutch of serious headache pills.
  • You can make the aforementioned Boudoir race cars.
  • You’ve made orange jelly smiles. Twice, after you realise how incredibly leaky the smallest rind nick can be.
  • You’ve made your own piñata.
  • You’ve hired and then assembled either a ball pond or a jumping castle
  • You know which animal comes after “duck, duck, duck...”
  • You can blow up 30 balloons in 10 minutes.
  • You know that the crappy job is not actually blowing up the balloons, but knotting them.
  • You’ve been relegated to the knotting job, while your kids enjoy the blowing.
  • You know that the chick you hire to play Barbie at your daughter’s party, is the same chick who plays Rapunzel, Hannah Montana, the Mermaid. You’ve fantastised about what this woman’s boyfriends think of her cupboard.
  • You’ve attempted to make your own theme cake, screwed it up after 5 hours of baking and icing and then absolutely SMOTHERED it in Smarties, to absolve yourself... before realising that a 1-year-old doesn’t actually notice.
  • You bought a theme cake for your child’s second birthday.
I could go on forever, but I know you have better examples. Go on. Add in appropriate party stripes below.

Read more by Sam Wilson

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