The favourite child
Is it right that one child feels more loved than another? Favourite child Masanda Peter raises the issues.
In most families you’d find siblings competing because the one child seems favoured over other kids.
This favouritism could be coming from parents, grandparents or other family members. I am one child who was favoured amongst other grandkids.
In my early years I was raised by my grandmother and she really loved me, this is one kind of love I cannot doubt or fault. I was the only grandchild that stayed with them and received all the love I could get. I got preferential treatment and other grandkids were quite aware of this and it did not sit down well with them.
Of course I used this to my advantage and would get away with almost anything. One thing to note though is that discipline
was not compromised on. In all of that love I received, discipline was still instilled.
Chatting to my friends I discovered I have friends who were also favoured as kids and are still favourites.
One friend mentioned how her grandmother
would give her more money than other grandkids, kept food aside for her and she could do no wrong in her eyes. If other kids wanted something from the grandmother they would ask her because they knew very well that she would get it with no questions asked. When grandma went to town she would bring extra goodies for her and not for other kids – grandmother tried to hide her actions from other children.
Other children in the family resented her for this but there was nothing they could do, grandma just liked her more. Since she was the one put on the pedestal she was under pressure not to disappoint her grandmother. Grandma would not blatantly do all of these favouritism actions in front of other kids but somehow it was quite obvious that she was the favourite
Besides getting more money her grandmother also gave her a share of her belongings as inheritance before she died and told everyone not to harass her over them. She is the only grandchild to have received the share of the inheritable. Now you can imagine how other grandchildren felt about this: resentful.
I know first hand what to be favoured is and it feels great but on the other hand feel it puts pressure on you as a child. Since you are portrayed as ‘Miss Goody Two Shoes’, you somehow need to live up to that standard. You just cannot disappoint those who love you. In some cases even if you do disappoint the family you get away with it and the disappointment will be downplayed. If it was any other of the kids in the family it would have been a big deal
One can also sense the sadness of those who felt less loved in the family. I often wonder if this is done deliberately or something a parent can really not control – you just love this one child more than the others. Parents often say that they love all their children the same but I guess this is something they cannot control and actions often gives the truth away.
Was there a favourite in your family? Do you have a favourite child or grandchild?Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.