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It’s that time of year again, when school sports, cultural and academic awards ceremonies are happening and parents have stars in their eyes, believing their kids are going to be recognised for the child prodigies they secretly know they are. We don’t want to brag, but really, do people realise just how special our children are?
Social media is made for bragging – practically begs us to do it - but we don’t inadvertently want to make others feel bad about their not-terribly-special offspring. Here, then, are a few tips on how to brag about your special children on social media without really bragging:
The disassociated brag
You can pull this brag off by pointing out how stupid you and his dad are, while highlighting your child’s inexplicable academic aptitude:
“Kid1 never needs any help with his schoolwork. He just reads over his work a few times and aces Every. Single. Test. It’s a mystery how he does it, because we all know I have the IQ of a cabbage. I just have no idea where he gets his brilliance from.”
The favour brag
This brag tells people that you don’t really want to brag, but you’re doing it for the child. He’d never tell a soul. You feel it’s your duty, though, to broadcast his many talents:
“He’d hate me for saying it, because he’d be so embarrassed, but he received 12 academic awards last night. He’s so humble about it.” (Me, not so much...)
The bashful brag
Related to the Favour brag, this one focuses on your embarrassment at just how superior your child really is:
“I know, here I go again. It’s embarrassing having to tell you about all the accolades Kid1 seems to constantly receive. It’s all getting a bit over the top. I mean, how must you feel?”
The extorted brag
You can ensure you’re forced to brag by posting a seemingly unrelated picture of something cute and then wait for the comments to pour in about the certificate or trophy your kid just happens to be holding:
“Look how crazy his hair looks! (What that? Oh, that was just a trophy he won for being Sportsman of the year...).”
The hashtag brag
This one is related to the Extorted brag, but requires a little more social media savvy. You can post a picture of your child’s beaming face at the awards ceremony and let the hashtags speak for themselves. To help you along, here are some well used ones: #proudmom, #academicsuccess #15awards #definitelynotmychild
Alternatively, if none of the aforementioned work for you, you could just adopt the direct approach and be completely indifferent to anyone’s sensitivities. Throw caution to the wind and choose:
The outright brag
This brag pulls no punches. He’s your kid and he’s special and the world should know it:
“Here’s a photo of Kid1 receiving 11 trophies at last night’s awards ceremony. We’ve always known he was brilliant, and finally, last night, he was acknowledged for it.”
