Doing it with the lights off
After his daughter’s birth, Marlon saw women’s bodies in a new and confusing way.

When you cross the threshold from boy to man, the magical world of the female form is exposed. Suddenly, your best female friend, or the neighbour’s daughter whom you’ve never really noticed before, becomes the only thing you focus on, and you have no idea why. Female bottoms and breasts are suddenly the only thing you can see. And when you eventually find a woman who will allow you to see her naked body, the magic and breathtaking beauty that is the female form will entrance and hold you captive forever.

Until, that is, the baby invades and stakes its claim on what has up to now been your sole domain. I remember stroking Hannah’s mom’s belly during birth, looking down, and when Hannah’s little head started squeezing out, only then, at that exact moment, did the reality of the birth actually kick in. Suddenly the holy of holies, the temple of Venus, and its twin peaks, took on a whole new dimension.
And when I saw my daughter arrive through the holy of holies, she immediately found her way to the glorious peaks and seemingly set up camp there for the next few months.

The thing is, as a guy, you don’t quite realise what’s happening. You just have a gnawing realisation that something’s not quite right in this picture. Thankfully nature has designed it so that mom probably would not be able to make love for a while after the birth.  During this time I found myself fascinated by the immense love I felt for my babies, yet feeling a slight grudge they had turned the erotic beauty of the female form, and especially its most erogenous zones, into mere functional outlets for food, and birth.

Eventually the male primal need to reclaim lost territory and rediscover the warm pleasures of the flesh becomes too much and you gently test the waters… My advice is to do it with the lights off for the first few times. It has nothing to do with mom though, she was still as beautiful and gorgeous as before birth. It’s a male psychological thing, that we guys need to confront, or so it was for me anyway. There, in the darkness, I rediscovered the magic of Eros, touching, feeling and exploring once again the exquisite beauty and sexuality of the female form.

In true primal male fashion of course, you would only need to do it once with the lights off. Thereafter the psychological boundary is shattered forever and like all good men, you can happily continue the reclamation process with mom like nothing ever happened. Yes, we men are indeed simple creatures, and only some of us are afflicted by the odd emotional conundrum every now and again. For me this was one such time. I wonder… am I the only one?

Marlon Abrahams is a 40-something-year-old single dad, raising two young daughters, Hannah (8) and Maddison (3). He has played an active role in their lives from birth and regards himself as the ultimate “hands-on” dad, spending as much time with his daughters as their mothers do.

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