I am God’s 2IC
Next to God, I am the most important person in your life, I know everything! Yes, I do!
(Robyn Abrahams)
This is a little mantra I brainwashed my kids with as soon as they were able to grasp the concept. Of course it has come back and bit me in the bum several times, but more on that later. The reason for indoctrinating them with this apparent arrogance is to ensure that any decisions they might have difficulty making, would always be referred to the all-knowing oracle that is their father. I cringe at the thought that my kids might succumb to peer pressure, or popular culture when having to make difficult decisions.

The girls and I talk about everything, on equal terms. Hannah challenges my status as God’s second in command often. This makes me proud, because she’s not blindly accepting everything her old-man’s saying. Like the other day she casually asks me “Dad, why do bats hang upside down?” After giving it some thought and realising that I did not have the foggiest idea why, I said “I don’t know baby.” “But you said you know everything Dad,” came the lightning reply.

Well, a quick trip to Google quickly restored my status as the big guy’s 2IC. But seriously, I’ve heard of horror stories of kids doing stuff that I’m sure they knew was wrong or dodgy, but did it anyway. Why? Because, uncle so-and-so said it was cool, or their best friend said it was cool, or even because their teacher said it was cool. I’m sorry I don’t give a rat’s posterior what anyone else says, but my kid’s mother and I are the only two people who get to make important decisions regarding their lives.

But, and here comes the big BUT. If you don’t cultivate that culture of communication between you and your kids, they are going to ask the tramp down the road for fashion advice, and believe some dopehead that it’s okay to smoke dope or crack because look how cool he or she is.

Or when Uncle Dick says hold my hand and it doesn’t feel right, you would want them to say; “I’d like to phone Dad first just to check.” I consider it a great parenting achievement that my kids come to me with anything under the sun. They have no fear of discussing anything creepy with me. We’ve talked about the creepy stuff like Uncle Dick, and the not so creepy stuff. And they know that the only person who knows everything about everything is God and as far as they are concerned I am his right hand man! And that’s it, case closed!

Have you had any tough situations to deal with as God’s 2IC?

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