At what age should I allow my children to sleep over at their dads? I do not trust my ex, he constantly lies and even tried bullying me into getting my children to stay over and I think they are just too young. I'm letting him see his children 1 day for about 3 hours or more a week but he still keeps asking me to let them stay over but he has no home and is living with his new partner in her house with her 3 children. I don't know what to do anymore can you please help me? Michelle

Good day Anne, I have a question more for myself than my children. I can't seem to discipline my children as I just talk and talk and talk and they just walk over me or simply shout or back chat me so what happens I lose my cool and regret it badly instead of finding another way to deal with my kids. Do you have any advise hear as unfortunately I am a very emotional person as well which I know it not good for my kids to see all the time. Thank you, regards Carolanne

My little girl (2yrs 9 months) has a habit of horse riding (a motion very similar to best described a "lap dance" where she folds her leg backwards from the knees and she'll ride herself to what appears to be an orgasm. We tried not to make to much of it, and have attempted to distract her into some other activity - story books, play dough, but she will eventually just return to what she calls horse riding until, well she falls backwards flustered and day dreaming for a while. We don't want to teach her this is wrong as we view it as misunderstood and part of her development but a lot of our friends think it not normal and to be corrected. Is this behaviour normal and if not how would we best address this?

I am divorced, have a 6 year old daughter. Her father has distanced himself completely from her because i have chosen not to go back to him since he was the one that left us for a 'junkie' mistress. He has ignored court maintenance order since July 2010. The last time he fetched my daughter from school she came home traumatised because he'd left her alone for a long while in his car while he went into some house and she was terrified cos there were many strangers in the area. At school recently, she drew a family tree without her Dad on it and when she was asked where he is, she said she does'nt have a Dad. How do i handle this? Her teacher says shes probably blocked him out because she realises hes not there for her. For 3 years after our divorce i was extremely nice, trying to maintain a healthy relationship for my daughters sake. Then i realised he was actually just taking us for granted again and that his 'narcissistic behaviour' persists. Do i have to continue playing the fool and being nice just so my daughter can have her Dad in her life? It breaks my heart.... especially because i did'nt have a dad.

HI, I'm a father of two, son almost three years and daughter 4 weeks old. We are a married couple living apart because of work. I'm in Secunda and she is in Durban with the two children. Distance has practically robbed of my time with my wife and all my children. This has put a lot of strain on my wife too, who at 27 she has to look after two kids and a household. I had an idea to take my son to come live with me as the father to make lost time and to ease the weight off my wife, whilst I'm vigorously looking to relocate back to Durban. My question is, will this be a wise move? What will be the impact of this arrangement in terms of his development? Thanks, very frustrated father.

My 19mnth old has left leg shorter then right. Her bio father doesn't want anything to do with her stepfather, who loves her and sees her as his own. Should I tell her he isn't her real father and tell her who is? I'm just scared she will blame herself and stuff like that, what should I do? Please help.

My mother gets jealous and angry when we ask people other than her to babysit. She has babysit more than anybody else thus far. Sometimes we as my son's other nanna or his godmother to babysit. My mother takes this as a personal insult and acts like we don't trust her. I don't feel it is fair that she be the only one to babysit - our son has many people that love him and want to spend time with him. I know she doesn't have anything else to fill her time with on weekends but surely that is not our responsibility to keep her entertained? She still works 5 days a week and is married.

I have a niece now aged 15. At age 8, she was raped and infected with HIV by our neighbour and family friend. Her mother isn't emotionally attached to her kids, and we only found out about the rape at least 2years back if not more, due to the fact that my niece fell critically ill. No action was taken against the perp. Mostly due to the fact that there would be a lack of evidence after all these years and my niece decided after counselling that she wishes not to disclose it and "move on with her life". Problem is, due to numerous factors , my niece was forced to live back in the place where it first happened. She sees this man everyday, and there's a lot of other factors contributing to her now promiscuous behaviour. What do we do?

My twin girls are being bullied by a 6 year old in school. From what I am hearing is that if she does not get her way, then she threatens them. Her recent episode was telling the one twin that she will go to the other twins class and stab her and will have us (parents killed). I understand that she is a child but not sure how to approach this. I sent a note to the teacher to discuss further with the child. Her threats are really taken its toll on my girls.

My grandaughter is 24 fully developed and has developed delays. The question is she can't take a shower or bath unsubervised. So my daughter-in-law, when she doesn't want to deal with her makes her husband bathe and dress her. It is uncomfortable with both of them. Is there a law against this?

Need Advice.... Please. I have been divorced for 7 years, and my ex has not been able to let go. We unfortunately don't have a good relationship, and hardly have any contact as he ignores most calls and sms's from me. The problems started right after our divorce. He would bad mouth me, and call me terrible names in front of my daughters. He would try and convince them that I am a bad mother and that everything they have or get in life is thanks to him. I don't do or buy them anything in life, and the maintenance he pays, I spend on myself and my now partner. He used to use my oldest as a middle man (tell your mother this, tell your mother that) he would try and make them believe that I was a terrible mother, my girls was not allowed to mention my partners name in his house or they would get shouted at. (This is my partner who raises them and takes care of their daily needs, takes them to school, doctors, and sits next to their hospital bed). My oldest daughter would come home crying most weekends, because of things her dad said or did. She eventually started looking for excuses to not see him anymore. She honestly felt that he loved her less as he used to spoil her sister rotten, and treat them differently. My oldest daughter has serious symptoms of emotional abuse, (confirmed by a psychiatrist she has been seeing) and has decided that she does not want to see him anymore. That would be great if he wasn't still seeing my youngest (9). He has decided that if my oldest doesn’t want to see him, he doesn't care about her, and has written her off. But he still gets to her through her sister. He spoils the youngest one rotten; send her home with expensive gifts such as Blackberry phones, radio’s, goes away on business and only send gifts for the youngest, etc. And all this to rub into my oldest daughters wounds, that this is what you are missing out on. My 14 year old daughter landed in hospital and was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome... caused by stress. She is now on chronic medication. She has also started cutting herself whenever she gets upset by him. She feels hurt, rejected by her own father, lonely, and thinks it’s all her fault. It breaks my heart. We are also starting to battle with my youngest. She has become a very emotional child; she has no respect for me, my partner or her sister. Her attitude is that her father is god and we are nothing in her life. He is using the same emotional abuse on her. I have sat back and watched for l

How do we get our 3-year old daughter to willing let go of her dummy. I've read many different views on the whole dummy issue and that we should have perhaps taken it away sooner but were not able to do so. She has a baby sister of 16 months so at the time we didn't want to add to the period of adjustment. She only uses it for sleeping time now and if she is a bit tired and niggly - not for going out and all through the day but I'd like to wean her off it soon and am trying to do so with encouragement at this stage but not sure if this is the best option.

My husband and I are not sure what to do anymore. When she gets angry, she is very destructive. And with regards to listening, that is out the window. We need to get down to why she is so angry with us or at least why she is so destructive. She is turning 13 in December and i know about the hormones etc. We have done the hiding thing, doesn't work, we have done the taking away punishment thing, doesn't really work, i don't want a perfect daughter, i would like a reasonable person to have around. Need help, please advise.

Hi there My Son of 3 Years and 4 months used to use the toilet perfectly fine, during the day at school, Up until about 1 month ago, He has started making accidents in his undies again, I really don't know why he has gone backwards? We are battling SO badly, that I am worried its going to start affecting his performance at school. When we ask him where he needs to do his business he tells us ""In the toilet" So he clearly understands where his business should be done, But continues to have accidents? It mainly happens when he is busy doing something like playing outside or watching TV or even just playing with his toys. Is it because he is pre occupied and forgets to go? Or do you think there might be something more serious? PLEASE HELP.

My son is 4 and his male cousin is 2 both are currently only children. They fight constantly and it has come to the point where my son sees his cousin and says he "hates him" or "wants him to go home". My nephew is a lovely child, but is very boisterous and has had issues with hitting his mom and friends. My son doesn't like noise gets freaked out by his little cousin's attempts to "play" with him. My son does his his cousin, but has no history at all of doing this to other kids. I have tried everything: rewarding him when he is nice to his cousin, punishing him when he is horrible, letting them spend time together in "neutral" territory and without the moms around nothing works. I've tried lavishing my nephew with attention to "punish" my son and ignoring him altogether. They are both to blame, but how do we break the dynamic - we just want them to be friends!

Hello, My almost 4 yr old daughter has started to get teary-eyed when we go to school, even though she started the year so well. She doesn't want to take part in any activities, and just follows the teacher around. At home she is fine but as soon as we talk about school she gets emotional. I have asked her if there are any kids harassing her but she doesn't really answer. I know that she was happy before, but am now so worried about her social adaptation. She is a highly-strung child and a late developer. What can I do to make it easier for her? The teacher is also not sure what triggers the tears.

My ex and I have been separated for a year now, court date is tomorrow. Janu is 3 years and 4 months old and adapted well to situation. But lately after spending weekend with Dad, he bullies children at school on Mondays. He is normally a very well behaved child and socializes well with friends and teachers. How should I talk to him about this? And should I take him to a psychologist? I read you're book "kleuters moet grense he". Please tell me what the Afrikaans name of your book is that's about children and divorce!! Thank you!!

I have a 3 year old daughter. She has always been strong willed, fussy and independent. She started half-days at day care last year and overall it has been great. However she is very clingy at drop-off in the morning, is a very fussy eater, has regular temper tantrums, gets easily frustrated when she cannot complete tasks and sometimes will just not listen to us. She can also be very aggressive physically, pushing, shoving at us, and has started slamming her bedroom door when she is upset. We discipline by sending her to a naughty chair or spanking as a last resort. Watching her with other kids, I have noticed that she is a loner, plays by herself a lot and is behind the other kids in terms of speaking skills. She is an only child and both her dad and I are introverts. Am I being overly critical or is there a chance she could have some developmental issues? There are days she makes me so frustrated I seriously dislike her. Is 3 too early to pick up any issues? I don't want to put her through unnecessary testing etc. but I do worry about her future and I do want to enjoy her as opposed to fighting with her all the time like we currently do.

Hi, I've got 1 stepdaughter (8) and my own of (6), my husband and I, now married for 2 years, just can't get past the stage of your child and my child. If I discipline his daughter, she just seem to hate me more, if I try to help her with her homework, she cries all night. I feel she has no respect for my parents, or myself, she won't say thank you without me asking for a thanks, and she has managed to make my husband and I fight last night again over, how I just think about my own daughter, and he thinks I'll never accept his daughter. She's staying with us permanently since December, but she hates homework, she hates chores and quite frankly I feel like she's hating me more every day. I would like to get things fixed between us, but every time she handles me like a dog, I just withdraw from her. I'll rather spend my time and energy on people who want my love and attention. Please tell me what to do to make things right between me and her and make my husband believe me that I have accepted her as my own daughter.

My sister told me yesterday that her 5yr old son has told her that my 12 year old daughter has been touching him on his private parts when they play. They believe adamantly that she is abusing him but I have spoken to my daughter & asked her questions & if she did that & she said she hasn't touch him at all there & that he is lying. i don't know what to do, I believe my daughter when she says nothing happened. and its not the 1st time that he has done something like this, 6 months ago he said my 2yrs old daughter played with his privates. Wat & how should we handle this?

My daughter is a well-balanced 13 year old who performs well academically. She takes part in sport and has many friends. She has been asked by an older boy to attend a school dance with him. Which begs the question, what is an appropriate age for modern teenage girls to go on their first date? I feel that 13 is too young and would value your feedback. Many thanks PS: My daughter is in grade 8 and the boy in grade 10.

My son is 5 years old and I should be used being a parent by now, but I just wish somebody had told me how hard it is to be a mother before I had a child. I hate sharing my time and I like to do my own thing without breaking concentration. He goes to school now, so I have a little time to myself, but it just never seems enough. People make it look so easy to bring up babies and they have one after the other. I just cant understand it at all. They take all your money/time/energy. I hate colouring and playing games and even being outdoors, so I make his dad play with him. I get angry with him all the time and I hate it. I am not depressed at all, just angry all the time. I wish I knew what motherhood would feel like before I had him, because now I am ruining an innocent child's life. I do feel a lot of love for him and I want the best for him, but how do I change how I feel? People that tell me I must have another one gets told they are insane all the time. Even pregnancy sucks.

My son is 19months and is really unruly. We you tell him to stop doing something he screams like you have no idea. When i try to smack him he gets louder. When we go shopping he cries for everything, i do not budge but the noise is hell everyone will be staring at us and i feel like thrashing him on to the ground. The screaming and yelling really i cant handle. I have 2 other much older kids. The father says i spoil him, I don't see where i spoil him.

My wife likes having arguments in from of the kids. 2010 my daughter was in Grade 1 and she failed. Now she is repeating Grade 1. Do you think that part of that really affected her? I think so. Please advice

Hi. My visitation is every Sunday, alternate Saturday after work and Fridays after work. The problem. is Fridays and Sat. is hectic at work and I can only pick him up at eight. Ten minutes. at my place then he is fast asleep. I am off on a Monday. I asked the ex if I could rather have him from Sat night to Monday evening.but she refused and says that he has to go to day care. He cries to stay with me when i drop him. Please what should I do?

Hi, is it appropriate for a 4yr old boy to sleep with his granny? When my mother in law visits she wants by son to sleep with he - she tell endless stories to him etc. I must be honest I don't feel very comfortable with it. We have gotten now so far as to say that when it's school night and she comes and visits that he sleeps in his own room. My husband doesn't think that there is anything wrong with it. Help? how do I address this? Bear in mind that she is not the type of person that is open to discussions. She believes that she has a right over my child. Also I don't approve of him staying home every time she comes and visits. We have discussed this over and over but every time she still asks if he can stay at home. We are now allowing him to stay at home on Friday only. But I still feel that a child should be in crèche/school and not at home. I always feel as I have to defend and explain my decisions about my son to her. When I dress his warm she says he'll be cold, if there is wind outside she asks me why am I not putting a jersey on for him. I am constantly questioned. What can I do. She sometimes comes and visits for a week or two.

Hi, My daughter is 4 years old and I have observed over a few months how she is touching herself, I have tried not to over-react in any way, but am now worried as things appear to have escalated somewhat. Yesterday she was very quiet so I went looking for her and found her under the blankets without any underwear on, literally masturbating. I have never encountered this before and did not know hoe to handle the situation. I asked where she had learned to do that and she refused to tell me, so I just dropped the subject. Should I take her to see someone, or how do I handle this in future?

Hi My name is Denise from JHB. My brother and his girl friend have 3 kids. I need help on what to do with what’s happening in their life. My brother drinks, when he gets home he smacks his girl friend around messes up the house breaks things. This has been for the past 7 years. They both on drugs last time I stayed with them. They keep saying they off the drugs but I don’t believe them. In the drunken state he has shown the kid’s porn at the age’s 5 and 7 both boys, now they have a little girl. My brother also treats them really bad along with her. It’s always in winter when there company starts to do badly. This happens every year. She phones me or my sister for help and we always run to her rescue because of the kids. She is now staying with my sister for a while. it’s only been a few days. The kids made some trouble last night and my brother in law gave them a hiding, she turned around to the 7 year old boy and said she hates him and this is all his fault and they going home tomorrow. I don’t know what to do. I am watching this happen and I feel helpless as I don’t have the money or even know where to start. This breaks my heart and I don’t know what to do. She has been told by doctor if she does not pick up wait by the end of this year she will be dead. The boys are out of control. They are now 7 and 9 years old. There is a lot more going on that I don’t know about. These kids need mental help. They hurt animals, they steel at their ages. They lie a lot. I don’t know how to help them. I don’t know what to do. The 7 year old can’t even keep a friend at school. Parents don’t want him to visit. He treats girls badly – saying really rude stuff. Please what can I do for my these kids.

My 2 year 5month old daughter is very strong willed. She is wonderful most of the time, but she has her moments were she will refuse to listen. As an example if my wife and I have food in our plates and she decides she wants it (regardless if she has the exact same food as us in her plate) she will cry until we give her our food and then she stops crying as soon as she gets the food. And another example is at crèche she will hit her friends or cry continuously if she does not get a toy she wants even if they had it first. We do not like corporal punishment (we have done so in the past) and raising our voices does not seem to help as she just gets more upset and then eventually she sometimes will force herself to through-up after some time of crying. We love that she has a voice of her own and is strong but we are so afraid that she may turn rebellious and that she may learn that she can only get what she wants through force and crying. How best do we handle such situations?

My 7yr old daughter drew herself as a white girl complete with flowing blonde hair. I'm beyond disturbed as for the last 10yrs, I have actively incorporated our black culture in every sphere of my life, from the food, activities, books, I make sure that we spent as much time at my rural childhood home, so that she can experience the carefree childhood that I had and am proud of, she gets to play and interact with people of her own look and feel. Last year when she asked me for a weave or wig, I cut off my dreadlocks that I've had for the last 6yrs. I'm now rocking my short and natural African hair. Every weekend I plait her hair and she gets lots of compliments from so many people. Needless to say I am a proud black woman. How can my child not see this? How can she not see herself as a beautiful little black girl? What do I do now? How do I address the picture? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Good day, My partner of 5 years has two girls (now aged 9 and 11) and they live with their mother except when we have them every second weekend and every second Thursday night and Monday night (when its not our weekend). When I first started sleeping over when he had them overnight I slept alone in the main bedroom and he slept in the spare bedroom. The girls have to deal with their mother questioning them about sleeping arrangements and all manner of stuff thats none of her business and makes the girls uncomfortable. To avoid them having to tell her we sleep together and put them in an awkward position we kept things as they were in the beginning. My problem is that now its 5 years along and we still don't get to sleep together so in every other way we're a family when we're together. The girls and I love each other dearly and have a fantastic bond - they are both very loving toward me and constanytly show affection by wanting to sit on my lap and jump into my bed in the early hours (this is specifically more the younger one than the older) etc. How do we make the transition to sharing a bed without causing them stress - how do we deal with the mothers constant 20 questions when she phones them twice a day over our weekends? We don't want things to be stressful for them at their mums house but also dont want her to dictate our lives because of her manipulations? Please help!!

Good day, I have a bright & bubbly 4 year old boy who's father and I separated and then got divorced when he was a year and three months old. He does see his father often and has a good relationship with him. He does not remember us all living together as a family but recently he has started asking if his father can come live with us or we can go live with his father and also trying to sort out the sleeping arrangements and questioning why I am not married to his father. I am taken slightly off-guard by his questions and would like to answer them the right way to avoid any further expectations or stressful situations later on! Please help!

I am and "older mom" and have successfully raised a wonderful daughter who is now 18. My son however (4yrs) is giving me a real "run for my money". I work all day but have good domestic help at home, plus an au pair who collects him from school and looks after him in the afternoon. He is incredibly active (understatement) and has a very strong personality. He refuses to give up his bottle of tea in the morning and wants a bottle of juice after dinner. He still soils his pants and now the kids at nursery school are starting to tease him. Every step of the way is an argument or a fight. wont come willingly to brush teeth, wash hands etc Bedtimes are a nightmare unless we have tired him out completely, he never agrees to anything and I am being worn out. I dread taking him on "outings" as he is so tiring! Please advise what I could do.

Am I being unreasonable or is dad being unreasonable? I have two teeanage boys who live with me. Their dad is remarried with two children and lives 10 minutes away. I work full-time and happily single. Dad insists on having children alternate Thursday nights to Monday mornings. Children are dropped of at school in the mornings and we parents "dont see each other at all". No, we dont get on at all. The wife wont allow that. Over dad's weekends, my children will phone to let me know they require this or that for school on Monday. I spend these alternate weekends running back and forth seeing to it that the children have what they need. I would have to make arrangements with dad to drop off at his convenience. Will it be unreasonble for me to say weekends only from Friday nights to Sunday nights? I know dad will not become reasonable and assist in any small way and do some running around himself! Your advise please.

my step-daughter is 7 yrs old. We et her every 2nd weekend. She wants to be involved with everything, My husband cannot even go outside to fetch something and she wants to know where Daddy is going, what's he doing. OR she will ask the silliest questions like, when it was raining and my legs got a bit wet. She will ask, "Did you get wet"? um.. Duh!! Why is she like this? & when we do have her with us, she's following me the whole time, and not with her Dad.

Hi I’m a single mom of 3 kids aged 16, 11 and 6. I have raised all three my kids alone for the past 7 years living only for them. A year ago my ex started taking an interest in my son again so much so that he convinced my son to move in with him as he could offer him more financially. Now I only have the 2 girls with me. Two years ago I moved near my parents and they have started helping me financially and been a support wrt the kids, problem is they treat me more and more as if I’m not capable of taking care of my kids the way they expect me to. This problem gets worse by the day. I love my mom and I’ve been away for so many years but suddenly I’m feeling inadequate as a mother. If I approach my mom about this then she just says fine shell stay away completely, but that’s not what I want. I love her and I value her support and advice but I need her to trust me with my own kids. I’ve raised them alone without any input from my ex or my family for 7years yet now I’m being treated as I don’t know what I’m doing. How to I solve this problem without hurting my mom. I also haven’t dated in the last 7years but 9 months ago I met a guy, we became friends and we’d like to see where this takes us. My mom disapproves as she believes I should live only for my kids which I feel is unfair cause she remarried when I was 11. This guy is a wonderful friend and extremely stable. He is an accountant in an international firm so he has asked me to join him on a trip to Hong Kong, as he’d like us to go away alone for a few days to discuss our future. My boyfriend loves my kids and they are very fond of him. He has also started helping with the kids financially. My ex and my mom now say I’m a bad parent if I consider this trip as I will be away for 5 days. I’ve never been away from my kids. Will going away make me a bad and irresponsible mother? Is it better for my kids if I raise them first before getting into a relationship? Please help. I love my kids and want the best for them. I discussed the trip with them and they were excited for me… but everyone else tells me that I’m a bad mother if I consider it. Please advice. thx

My child (9) played with her toy animals. She then told me I'm the shark and her stepdad, the Lion. Her own dad, never sees her (he was a crab), and is giving her up for adoption to my husband currently. What does this mean and should I be worried?

I have a 13 year old who is at constant logger heads with his stepdad. When they are alone they are fine, however the minute the younger brother or I come into the picture, they start acting out. The stepdad swears at him, shouts and screams and then my son does exactly the same. When I try to reason with the both of them it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. I have spoken to my husband several times and asked him to try with my son and treat him as his own and spend time with him but the only thing that interests him is his own life and sport. My son is not doing great at school, he acts out, hits his brother, talks of committing suicide, has emotional outbursts of crying and throwing fits and this at 13. He was diagnosed with ADHD by a normal GP but the psychologist says it is more emotional than anything else. I try every day to be patient and calm but when they get into it I step away as I refuse to be part of the problem. I get accused by the dad of being a bad mother as I don’t take his side, and I just refuse to take anyone's side as I would rather propose a solution than engage in the everlasting war taking place in my house. My house really seems to be a war zone. My health and well being and not to mention my son’s is taking a toll on all of this and I think the both of us want to run screaming the minute my husband steps foot inside the house. The little one has already said that he will not stay alone with his dad because his dad is just as horrible to him as he is with my eldest son. Please can you offer some advice here as to me I am beginning to feel that all is hopeless and I just want happy well balanced kids who enjoy their home life and their life. My son doesn’t even want to attend any birthday parties or visit friends as he says that he has very few friends at school. He is also battling with his weight and I know it has everything to do with what is going on with him emotionally. My heart is broken every time I look at him as he use to be such a happy child and I long for that child to be there again.

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 5 years. I already had a 2yr old son when he met me and explained to him that the father had left when I fell pregnant but still called and up to that point had maintained his son even though it was a small amount that he put up every month. Over the years my husband has taken full responsibility for my son and has treated him as his son. Things got sour when the biological father started calling and asking after his son. This initially was very seldom and sometimes he would ask to see the child. On several occasions he has stood my husband and I up and this has angered my husband because we live in different cities and we take the time out to go bring him the child but he doesn't even have the decency to show up. He stopped maintaining the child regularly when I found employment and got married. Since then, he has only forked out about R 3000 over the past 6 years. Things have really turned sour because over the last two yrs, he has been calling frequently and requesting to see or talk to the child. Because I also grew up without both parents, I have always thought it best to know both your parents as a child. My husband doesn't see it that way. I believe that I cannot hold the biological father back from seeing the child because my son needs to know him and his relatives although I know that the biological father doesn't deserve this, I am doing it for my son. Recently, my husband and I got into a bad fight over my son and he went as far as to say I should then return the child home because he isn't going to deal with having this man call me all the time. He said it is either that or I send my son to boarding school where the biological father will have access to him without me being involved. This tore my heart apart because I have gone through so much with this child and I would rather just walk out of my marriage then to have him compromised in this way. I feel that my husband is being very unfair and although I understand where his frustrations come from, I feel he is being too harsh. Often when he and I fight even over other matters, he then stops taking my son to school or picking him up after school. I work far away from where he goes to school which makes it hard for me to do these duties myself. My husband and I share 3 kids and I feel that he is being unfair when he ostracises this kid. Please help me because I know we love each other but I can no longer put him before my son.

My 6yr old daughter has taken a fancy to a boy in her class who has displayed unsavoury behaviour. Previously, he would put his hand into her top during sleep time and touch her where her nipples are. She complained and we addressed it with the teacher. The teacher then separated them. Recently Sammy started to kiss me on the mouth but with her mouth open. We have tried to teach our kids that you should kiss on the cheek and kissing on the mouth is for married people. When we questioned her about this, she said it was the same boy who told her it was ok to kiss on the lips like that. Yesterday she mentioned that she likes him and I also found out that he has now been enrolled in after-care as well. How should I approach the situation with her without killing any hopes of her being honest about her feelings later on in life ?

I am finding that my 11 year old daughter constantly tells little fibs. For example. If she has forgotten something for school - instead of saying "oh I forgot" she will rather say to me that "it's okay, she has it in her school bag or that she doesn't need it today". Or when she received poor marks in a test she tells me that she had to write the test at break time becuase she had piano lessons when the rest of the class had the test.No matter how many times I try to tell her that telling the truth is in fact so much easier than trying to keep track of all the mis-truths. The words just seem to tumble out of her mouth without her thinking about them. It is becoming quite serious as her teacher has put a remark on her report about telling fibs and I have taken action on her words, only to have it come back to me as she was lying to me at that time as well. How else can I get the message across that what she is doing has serious consequences for everyone.

I was recently confronted by another Mother, whose child (9) was sexually penetrated by my son (10), I am not sure if he understands what he has done, but I need to know if this is normal? He does not get it from home, we are very discreet, no sexual programmes in our home either. He was disciplined and said he would never do it again, should I believe him or take this further and get outside help. I am so disappointed and shocked!

My six years old son is intelligent. He is obedient to madam but disobedient in home.He misbehave with parent at home and outside. He is very naughty, desperate, angry and adamant. He uses slang language. Always he teases his mother. He does not care anyone except his teacher. His behaviour is anti-attitude. He loves to play and to watch T V(cartoon,fighting picture). He does not want to read at home. How to control and nurture my son without any harmful punishment? I am very anxious regarding this.

Hi Anne. I got into a relationship with my now fiancé knowing he had two kids, who lived overseas. There was a crisis in their home and it was with extremely short notice that they came to live with us. I feel like I have been thrust into a roller-coaster that becomes more and more painful everyday. Fiancé refuses to discipline them and says they just need love. They are wildly out of control and humiliate me, saying that I am nothing to their dad and he will just leave me like he did their mother and his ex wife before that. I try to get some discipline in the house, but then am told that I am being too harsh or fiancé goes and undoes everything by letting them off their consequences. Fiancé puts ENORMOUS pressure on me saying that I have to try harder, that I have to work for their love and respect. I went into this wholeheartedly and with a lot of love for his kids and am now regretting my decision. I don't know what more to do. They have absolutely no respect for me or for my home. To make matters worse fiancé has now gotten into the habit of blaming me for absolutely everything that goes wrong in our lives, saying that I must call the wedding off and swearing and being verbally abusive towards me. I then have to just shut my mouth and accept what he says and if he says sorry eventually I have to just accept it or I get into even more trouble. I am walking on eggshells and am so hurt. Our relationship was great before the kids came and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been watching us slowly fall and drift apart. Even worse is that we have a daughter, who I feel does now get much from her relationship with fiancé, as our whole lives revolve around the boys. I don't know how to make things fair or in control in this house and its devastating me.

Hi My daughter is 6yr old, she sleeps with the nanny during the week as we have only 2 the room house but during the weekends the nanny is not around so she refuse to sleep alone saying she is scared she even cries. How do I make her understand that she will be okay sleeping in her bedroom?

Dear Anne, My son in Grade 1 and I am 18weeks pergnant. My son just want`s to be with me all the time. Last week he took money R600 from his Granny`s house. Today I got a call form his teacher asking is I gave him R100 for tuck shop money. He took the money from my purse. The first time we just spoke to him and asked him not to do it again. I don`t really believe in hitting a child. All the embarasment made me want to really give it to him. I really do not know how to deal with this.

If a child of 13 years old refuses to see her grandparents can they still go forth with getting legal aid to gain access to the child from the parent? They have taking the parents to child welfare and no proof of physical or emotional abuse was found. They have done so because of a personal vendetta against the parents and is using the child as an excuse to get to the parents. On what legal foot do they as grandparents stand?

Is it normal for a child to want his parents to divorce. He says we argue a lot and eventually me and his father will divorce and he wants a new mother and a new father and other siblings. His father likes saying in front of them when I divorce you. I go through a lot of emotional suffering I feel like just walking out from all of them. He still sleeps in my bed and doesn't want to sleep in his own. The father sleeps in his room. How do I make this normal the way it should be?

HI, I'm a single mom of a 2 and half year old boy. His dad pays maintenance each month but only sees his son whenever he feels like it (out of his own will, not me keeping his son from him). I think this is unfair on my son. Now - after not hearing from him for a month - he wants to see his son. This is getting a bit much for me now as only when it suits him he wants to see his boy. What do I do? I don't want to keep him from his son but how can I make him understand that he has to be a regular feature in his sons life, not just when he feels like it. Thank goodness my son is still too little to really understand what's going on, but I'm afraid that when he is older he will be let down by his dad. Please help me