Posted by: Candice on 12 January 2012
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Somehow I don't think spending a little quality time with your daughter will fix the situation, but am not sure what will help! Also, check that you're getting help for yourself, if you suffer from PND it will make everything seem so much mor eunbearable....Sjoe but she sounds like an extreme case of the terrible twos.
Blah Blah Blah, give the child the hiding of her life and if she does it again give her an even bigger hiding.
I Agree with Delboy - give her a good hiding.
You have not tried everything if you haven't tried a good wallopping. Why are parents so afraid of disciplining their kids these days???? Mom-up!
My sister had the same problem when her second son was born. Please don't hit her, rather spend time with her & show her care & love. She is traumatised by the new addition, so don't push her away to daddy or school as it won't just go away. It will come right, have patience.
It sounds like she is acting out for attention. I agree that you are going to have to try and spend quality time with her. It also helps to give her little things to do for her new brother - like fetching the wipes for you or simlar. Let her get involved (but at a safe distance until she stops being violent). Good luck!!
A hiding is not always the solution. If you are calm and in control then the problem will subside. If you create the impression of being stressed, freaked out and intimidated, she'll spot the weakness and exploit it. Be extra nice to her and involve her with the baby. But if none of those alternative discipline options work, a good smack usually does the trick.
I'm all for giving your child a proper hiding (within boundaries obviously). These Supernanny shows etc will work better if the kid received a simple hiding. Our generation was raised that way and we turned out respectful citizens. Those of you who think that hidings are unnecessary - just take a look and the lack of respect happening in schools nowadays
Please give her a good hiding, her behaviour is just unacceptable and what would happen should she seriously injure the baby boy?
I get so angry when giving a child a good hiding or two or more is advised in this instance. I do think that painful punishment will only serve to aggrivate this problem even more. No, I do not think it, I know it...and through bitter experience. This older child has come to resent the presence of this baby as she must take a back seat now. She is the one to understand that...MUMMY is tired, MUMMY has to attend to the new child and BABY needs attention and BABY is being made a fuss over and BABY and MUMMY get all the visitors and presents and MUMMY and BABY must have a rest so... BABY and MUMMY are the important ones now...so what about ME ? Negative attention seeking is what is going on here, for it is the only way she is getting it.
When giving a hiding You, the parent has to be calm and not do it in anger. Take her tell her why she is getting the hiding and do it in a civil manner. Hidings are even biblical! This problem doesnt just stem from a baby arriving there is an underlying problem. And why do we always blame the kids???? If we didnt have so many disfunctionel parents we would have less disfunctional kids, they only learn from example!!
Firstly, from the mom's message it's clear that she is all over the place and has no consistent method in disciplining her daughter. If her daughter doesn't know what will result in mom getting cross and her being punished, how can she avoid doing those things. Also, choose a discipline method and stick with ONE and only one. If you do time outs, that's all you should do. For a two year old, choose 3 "rules", print out clipart pictures that illustrate those rules, and focus on them. IE, we touch gently, no hitting. Also, try as far as possible to INCLUDE her in everything, don't get mad at her for wanting to be a part of everything. If you're cooking, give her some plastic bowls and spoons and playdough and let her pretend to make dessert. If you're changing baby ask your "big girl" to help by getting a nappy and handing you the bum cream. Tell her you couldn't do it without her and how she's such a great big sister. Also agree with previous posters about spending time with her. At two, she is literally her own world, developmentally she CANNOT understand anything different, and will act out to get the attention she NEEDS even if she can only get negative attention. You need to create a baby-free zone somewhere that only you and she can spend time together in - a certain chair, a bean bag to read in - I'm sure someone can watch baby for an hour so that she can get some time with her mom. She is still so small and needs her mom. pushing her away now is just going to result in more acting out and "bad" behaviour in a desparate attempt to get some attention. Please, mom, just sit with her, give her a cuddle and remind her (and yourself) that she's still (one of) your baby. She needs you, to her you are all the mother she has.
I had my twin boys when my 1st child (a girl) turned 2. What helped is that I included her in everything. So she would help change nappies, give the twins their bottles etc. And we also bought her a present because everyone who came to visit would bring the boys presents. I also made a point of asking my visitors to also give her attention - ask her how she is, how was her day, telling her that she is a big girl now with younger brothers. All these made her feel like she also mattered and she is special. You would be suprised how much this helps - your daughter will end up feeling very protective over her younger brother. And in the afternoon play with both of them - dont just focus all the attention on the younger one. All the best!
I envolved my toddlers with all the activities of the new baby and they enjoy it and like to feel needed. Hidings are essential, but it must not be in anger and it must be a process. Take her to her room and tell her that you are going to get the belt and let her stew for a moment. This time thinking about the hiding is almost worse than the hiding. Sometime after the hiding request her help with the toddler and reward her afterwards. With biting and general slapping I used to do exactly that back to them. They quickly understand what it feels like when you visit the same action on to them. Above all remember . . . parenting is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship. Your the captain and you are solely responsible for the adult produced, not the state and not Oprah.
I'm normally the first to suggest a little hiding but that is not appropriate in this place. A lot of the advice given already is quite good:
Include her in everything you do. When the baby naps spend that time with your little girl
Choose a discipline method and stick to it. And include hiding as part of a process, not as the first option.
Go through baby pics of your little girl with her. My 2 year old loved when I did that.
The gift thing is also sometimes a necessary "spoil" as people don't realise how they cut off the older child
Get some support structure in place. If someone can watch the baby for a bit while you get some time out for yourself first, and then for you and your daughter.
And it does get better. I have a 2 and 4 yr old and they both fight for attention sometimes but you just handle it firmly and carry out your threats. Its tough in the beginning but you will find your mojo. But remember, she is not being vindictive, she is a little person and is trying to get you to notice her, albeit in the wrong way.