Posted by: Khanyi on 07 October 2008
It is brave of you to admit that you felt bad. It is very important to try never to use corporal punishment – it really does not help at all. It is very confusing for children to be exposed to very different types of disciplining.
His grandmother probably needs some help with parenting a young child – things have changed so much in the last few years.
When a child tells a lie, one must remain calm but firm. Tell him you are disappointed in him, that it is unacceptable behaviour and that, if he chooses to tell lies in the future, there will be consequences eg he will have a treat or privilege taken away.
Children seldom tell lies when it is safe to tell the truth. In the case of the watch, it does no good to beat him. Of course, he needs to learn that this is not acceptable. Taking away pocket money or treats is the best way to help him learn from the consequences of his mistakes.
Encourage him to talk to you – to ask you for things he is curious about. Tell him that, if he wants to see how a watch works, he must tell you and together you can try to find an old watch that he can take apart. The main thing is to keep the communication open, to tell him the rules and that he has choices – but that these choices also have certain consequences. He needs to have an idea of what the consequences will be for choosing to break certain rules.
My book "Children Need Boundaries" explains all these issues and helps parents to develop more effective methods of parenting than resorting to smacks.
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I have 4 kids which you can imagine is quit difficult. They are aged as follows - 9 [Daughter], 4 [Son] and 2[Daughter and Son]. There is a lot of shouting and fighting between all of us myself the kids and my husband. If you have any advise. Many thanks.
I don’t want to be funny but look at our schools since corporal punishment have been banned, it is a circus. Kids punching teachers not listening to them. Please be real look at how we grew up and even our parents and parent before. Don’t get me wrong there is line to be drawn between a good old hiding and abuse.
And I think my mother use to be very good at that.
1. Never give a kid a hiding while you are angry, let him/her sit in their room while you calm down and then proceed.
2. About 30 minutes after the hiding go to him /her and explain calmly what is was for.
Be consistent, I see a lot of parent these days who talk and talk and talk to kids like they are playing with them when they do wrong.
Talk once, warn a second time and hiding 3rd time, my mother stuck to that, and I am sure there is nothing wrong with me today.