“Birth rape”- a doula’s responseDoulas can play a vital role as part of a positive birthing experience.

"It's just period blood"Would you show these explicit menstrual ads to prepare your daughter for her period?

Parent24 : Experts : Anne Cawood : 3.Answered : Pre teen lies and girls

Q&A With Our Experts

Parenting Expert

Anne Cawood

Anne is an experienced registered social worker, involved in developing and presenting workshops on a host of parenting topics. Read More...

Pin It

Question

Posted by: Ntombi on 13 May 2009

Lies: My 12 year old son has started a disturbing pattern of lying about stuff.The more I try and tell him it's better to own up, the more he does it, even when something is so minor that he need not have lied about it, he does. Girls:has recently started paying attention to girls, chatting on sms etc.My concern is that he will lose focus on his school work by being distracted by this new 'interest' in his life.How can I help him to stop lying about stuff? Girls is it a stage thing?

Answer

Usually children do not lie when it is safe to tell the truth. So make sure that you never over-react to what he tells you - remain calm and focused on communicating maturely and effectively. Praise him when he tells you the truth. Lying can also become a habit - he then needs to realise that there will be consequences for telling lies. Never become over-harsh or too punitive. This will only make things worse in the long-run.

On the issue of girls. 12 year olds do become interested in the opposite sex - this is very normal and natural. It is a stage - but one which which usually does not go away - it just develops and hopefully matures as they grow older! It is important to put boundaries in place eg on cell phone time, computer use etc. In this way, you will be helping him to develop a good balance in his life. Hopefully, his school work will then also be balanced. If his report shows that work is slipping, then make it clear to him up front that privileges will be taken away. However, be reasonable - he is nearly a teenager and this is all part of healthy development.

Maybe you could a copy of my book "Teenagers Need Boundaries" - I think it will help you with these issues.