Posted by: Carolanne Ackermann on 15 December 2011
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How old are the children?
If they are teenagers your approach will be different than if they are still pre-teens
You did not mention the ages of your children, however I have been in your situation and have found that explaining to them that you will not listen to them, if they cannot listen to you - will be the order of the day. Do not threaten and remind them on a daily basis of this - before things go wrong. Should it happen then explain that you will now not listen to them and then ignore them a short while and ask them if they liked the feeling. This has worked wonders for me and I hope that it can for you.
Moer hulle !
I experienced the same situation ... I actually wrote a blog on my aha moment to dealing with it. See http://www.more-than-1.com/post/my_son_on_a_dog_leash
Watch super nanny on etv. She gives excellent advice how to handle naughty kids. Good luck.
I have an 8 year old daughter & she knows exactly how play on our emotions in an argument. I have found that by repeating myself it only exacerbates the situation. I now only ask once & when I ask I ask nicely. If she does not respond I ignore her. She is also learning that when I say no then its "NO" and yes is "YES". She gets cross and throws a little tantrum every now and then but by and large it works. I know it is difficult and does not always work. Try not to get into screaming and shouting. If you do then they have won the war.
Maybe one of the issues, as you say is"i just talk, talk , talk".
Maybe a little more action on your side.
They have no reason to listen to you, do they ?
Are you a single Mom? If not, then I suggest that your other half play a more responsible role with regards to discipline. If you are a single Mom, then change your aproach and tactics. Reverse phsycology has always worked for me, and most importantly, your tone. You don't need to raise your voice to ascert authority. Give it a try!!!
@Fanus - Jy is reg. Dis al wat werk!! Ek sou in my lewe nooit so wees nie, want ek sou 'n ordentlike pakslae gekry het. En dieselfde geld vir my kinders. En almal se my kinders het die beste maniere wat hulle in 'n lang tyd gesien het.
Emply the rule of thumb, take the little one's hand and take the thumb and put a bit of pressure on the nail forcing it down until pain sets. Try it on yourself or your spouse first to gauge the pressure you need. Works everytime. IN time you will just have to mention the word thumb and they'll prick their ears and dread the rule of thumb.
I agree with Fanus and Riaan a good hiding is the best medicine for this problem, it worked for me when I was a child and it works for my 3 and 6 year old children as well. You can only talk so much thereafter they have to learn the hard way!!
Fanus, Riaan, Walter & Jan I totally agree with you guys, nothing beats a good hiding, worked for our parents, worked for us and works for my 2 kids.
I'm with the guys on this, they need a fat smack!
Do yourself and your kids a favour and read Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson (ISBN 9780842305068)
depends on the severity for the punishment, something small like forgetting to do something that you specifically asked them, punishment is no luxury foods, like sweets for the day. something medium, TV rights get suspended for a day or a week depending on the severity, Tantrums, cheek, lying and backchatting. but before I give a hiding, or punishment, I ask them "why are they getting punished?" that they need to explain to me why they are getting punished, it forces them to think about it, just telling them why does not always help, but when they think about the reasons why themselves, it seems to stick in thier minds a lot better. It also helps to figure out any extra mischievious doings on their part, things you had NO idea they were doing. Works wonders for me.
Give them a hiding... quick, sorted... What is it with all you people and talking talking to a 3 or 6 year olds?? It worked on all of us...
Europe and the States are full of horrible teenagers and young adults who were spoken to, and not properly disciplined!!
Yes, I know I'm going to be called a barbarien, cruel BOOHOO....
Stop using News24 to try and sell your book! I've stopped reading your Answers and rather read the comments below as your answers are all the same and ends with the same "My book could help you...", "buy my book" etc. Rather get someone that isn't selling books to answer the questions please!
Buy the book, and use it on their backsides ..
Look at "Monsters to Munchkins", Andalene will help you.
Carolanne you must remember that children feed off parents emotions very quickly, children have sensors for these types of things. Children thrive on love and discipline and I do not mean discipline in an abusive way. Discipline in boundaries, rules and the way you want things done in your house. You are the only one who can change the situation.
Afrikaner way work olways.
Make a statement on what is right and wrong, never argue with a child.
Give a hiding when needed, but NEVER in anger. Send them to the bathroom to go think while you take a strol to calm down.
Then they should tell YOU why they gona get it, no argument, just explanation when they do not know.
Dish it out, not more that 6 on the backside.
As a child I push the "fun with moma" boundaries too far one day, and my grandma told my mother. "Voeter hom my kind, jy wil hom nie aleen lief hê nie, jy wil hê ander moet hom ook lief hê".
That stuck in my small brain till today.
SOMEBODY GONNA GET A HURTING....Russell Peters
Now let me see... how would my mom have handled this? Ah yes, it is called a 'snotklap'
Man they work.
My kids got hidings from a very young age. I'd also make them tell me why they were getting a hiding. The key is to always be consistent and for parents to show a united front where discipline is concerned. If Mom won't allow something, Dad shouldn't allow it either and visa versa. The end result? They became so well behaved that neither has had a hiding since they oldest was 8 and the youngest was 6. I just have to clear my throat, raise a finger and give them my disapproving look to get their immediate undivided attention. It's not just about being obeyed though. They also know that I will give them a chance to air their opinions and will take it into consideration whenever a decision needs to be made. That way the decisions are also based on fairness because kids become very rebellious very quickly if they feel they're being treated unfairly most of the time...
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Dont have kids
I agree with Fanus, spear the rod spoil the child. They need to grow up having some sort of fear. They are children and should be treated like kids. I dont know why people have issues when the solution is simple.
You need to klap them.