Posted by: Jenna on 20 June 2012
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To me it really sounds like he innocently and in his sleep just happened to touch her stomach. I am a victim of actual abuse myself, and my experience has taught me that a true predator will stalk and taunt his victim over a period of time, and it would most certainly not have been a once-off occurrence. But that's only my personal opinion
Having your dad touch you on your stomach, when he is asleep in his own bed and unaware is not abuse. If she is convinced it was abuse, did something else happen beyond this incident? It sounds like your daughter has a problem with her dad and maybe counselling will help. Because if his touching her was the only incident, why is she pushing distrust between you and your husband, and making allegations that could potentially ruin his life? If he did abuse her, she needs to tell you about it - when, where, how...
What I am thinking is why is your daughter traumatised if the accusation is that your husband touched her belly. My 5 year old son sleeps between my wife and i on very rare occassions and I lie with my hand on his tummy and dont see anything wrong with that.
I agree that it is highly irregular for a teenager to sleep in the same bed with a man despite being the father. My advice is that since you know about the history of the father's sleep walking and other unconscious unintended actions while asleep, you should let this instance go. Tell your daughter that you are aware of his sleep condition. But sleeping with a man in the same bed is also an issue more serious than the innocent sleep touching. This girl has psychological issues hence she ended up in your bed because of nightmares. What if it did not even happen as she suffers from nightmares. What if it was one of her classical nighmares. She will wreck your mariage over a non-issue if you are not careful.
I doubt a sexual predator or molester would molest his daughter if she was sleeping in bed next to YOU!!!!
You know he sleepwalks and talks , so it's pretty obvious this ONE OFF event that happened in your bed is totally unintended , he did NOT touch her genitals or actually indecently assault her at all..unless you think touching your daughters tummy is actually molestation. Why did this traumatise her? Did she actually come to your bed and sleep between you AFTER this incident?
As others have said , having an adolescent daughter in your marital bed is not normal..
She is 16 now , this happened in grd 8 - what was that? 2-3 yrs ago? Why is this dredged up NOW? Has your daughter complained about anything else? Are YOU perhaps having an issue with your husband?
This query sounds abnormal....
Is that (dad touching her tummy) the real reason she is traumatized? I would rather suspect that the real reason for her trauma might be something yet undisclosed and not related to anything your hb has done. Get to the root of this.
complete over reaction. I REGULARLY HAVE SEX IN MY SLEEP (like sleepwalking). If he wanted to molest her he would have touched her breasts, not her tummy., and it would have happened more then once. you are overeacting. you should rather find out whats driving the nightmares in the first place.
It seems to me in all innocence that her father accidently touched her in his sleep. If he was that way "inclined" it would have happened a long time ago already and not only once and out of the blue. However, dig deeper and ask more questions about their past to be sure.
If you walk into a war zone - expect to get shot. This girl has major issues. Probaly gets it from the mother.
This poor man could languish in prison of total stupidity on the mother and daughters part.
To avoid strain on the family, due to integriry concerns, maybe both the father and daughter, should seek counselling. the daughter for the "trauma"and the father for the "memory lapses during sleep". This will put the entire family at peace.
I kiss my 16 year old girl 3 times a day. I tickle her when she's down. I frequently have to apply an injection onto her buttocks, arm, tummy, thigh.
I think there is a serious communication issue between your girl and her dad. Touching her tummy should never have been in issue, in my opinion. You guys need to talk more - put the ipads, facebook and twitter accounts away when it's family time.
From what you wrote it seems it is YOUR husband and not necessarily her dad?
In my opinion it is quite possible your daughter is not giving you ALL the facts - quite possibly because she does not want to hurt you and perhaps because she feels uncomfortable with the details. It is possible that she feels caught between wanting to tell you and at the same time wanting to protect you. Does she have a history of being malicious and hurtful? In my opinion this is something you should investigate without making her feel like you feel like it is a choice between her and him.
Note: For thinking that a dad would not molest his own daughter right under the nose of his wife.....this in fact happens all the time!!
I have read the main story and the comments and note a degree of hostility towards the girl and even her mother. I agree both parties should receive professional counselling. The mother is caught in the middle and I commend her for trying to be rational. Sexual predators have no fixed pattern and most molestation occurs within the "safe circle". There is something very much amiss here. So often, mothers/fathers refuse to take notice of warning signs from their children. It can take months, even years, before a victim openly reacts or alludes to a single or multiple incidents of sexual molestation. Professional help is essential to resolve this problem. I must confess the husband's professed lack of his actions whilst asleep are somewhat weird. But we cannot judge. Only professionals can deal with such delicayte issues.
Seriously - if you have to wonder about this there is serious trouble in your relationship/marriage. I have 3 daughters - if someone even hinted at me abusing them I will take legal action for slander or simply put my brown belt karate to some good use for a change.