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Anne Cawood


Posted by: Crazy person | 2011-04-28


Father figure or biological father?

My daughter is now turning 9 and she has a step dad. Not knowing the daddy she sees everyday isn’t her own. When I found out I was pregnant I decided not to let the biological father close to her as he was very unstable. In the first 6 months of live I met her current "father" and her adopted her, ect. The problem now is that he has started picking on her and being rude. When I confront him he says that he's only joking, but I'm getting the idea that he doesn’t want her as much as I thought he did. What do I do? Do I ask her biological father to meet her or do I try to speak to my husband again? What future is my daughter going to have without fatherly love? I'm really scared of her future and I do want the best for her. Should I consider a divorce? Please help

Expert's Reply


Anne Cawood Anne Cawood
- 2011-06-23

First of all, it is never wise to allow a child to believe that a step father is her biological father. This can lead to huge trust issues later in life. So - first step would be to ensure that your daughter knows the truth about her "real" father. Even though her step dad has been the father figure in her life, she does need to know that he is not, in fact,her biological dad.

Secondly, if this "Dad" has legally adopted her, then he is her legal father - and her biological father has no legal claim to her. However, even in the case of legal adoption, children do need to know about their roots - at some stage before they reach adolescence.

And finally, it sounds as if you and your husband may need some counselling regarding his relationship with your daughter. What are his real feelings? Do you both need some help with effective parenting skills?

It certainly would not be a wise idea to consider divorce on the grounds you have given here. That is, unless there are more serious issues than presented here.

Do please seek further professional help with this very sensitive matter.

The information provided does not constitute a professional diagnosis of your problem. You should consult a health care practitioner, lawyer or other appropriate professional for formal advice. Parent24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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