Seeing someone else pregnant can be a real kick in the teeth.
Kim Kardashian is allegedly livid after discovering that one
of her exes has fathered a child, according to the Examiner. Hardly big news,
that’s true, but it does touch on a certain issue: If you’re hoping to have a
baby one day, or trying to conceive, it’s hard not to feel that selfish “how
come SHE gets to have a baby?” feeling when you see someone else who is
When the vacant nursery becomes a storeroom
That’s part of what it feels like to be TTC: making the
mistake of walking around a shopping mall, or going to church or the local park
and wondering if perhaps every woman in the place is Heavy with Child. Except you.
Just the sight of a pram can get the tears flowing.
What about the women who have struggled for years to fall
pregnant? Whose families have repeatedly asked them when it’s going to happen, women
who have had to suck it up and attend their younger sister’s or cousin’s baby
showers, smiling through gritted teeth that, of course, they’d LOVE to be the
new baby’s godparent.
You could be the optimistic single woman, still hoping for
The One, but watching all of your old school friends on Facebook popping out kids
either by surprise or on purpose can wear away at your long-term dreams of a
family. There’s that insidious biological clock, ticking, even as you click on
the “hide baby-making person’s status updates” button.
What can be done?
Unfortunately, there will always be pregnant women around,
so, unless you’re keen on being a hermit, you may have to just carry on. There
are women who have isolated themselves from family and friends at a time when
they need their support, so this isn’t always the best choice.
Rather than have some humiliating meltdown at a family
gathering or with friends, you could try calmly chatting about what you’re
going through, and hope that they’ll try to be sensitive around you, but it’s
more likely that they’ll carry on enjoying their baby bumps and their newborn
Another strategy is to get very involved with them, and be as
supportive as you can of their babies, sucking up those “self-involved”
You could join an online community of TTC people, a group
which will understand your feelings, and not judge you for venting or ranting.
A place where fears and possibilities can be deeper explored.
That’s just one of the challenges of TTC: Do you tell
everyone and risk exposing your vulnerable emotions or making them worry about
how to act around you, or do you internalise, suppress and deny those feelings?
Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.
How do you cope with seeing your friends and family falling pregnant before you?