Ready to try again, this mom hopes that pregnancy won’t be as elusive the second time around.
Eva Rose is 18 months and miraculously, actually sleeps through the night. She’s also a sociable little creature and I feel, would enjoy having a baby to boss around. Hence, I can actually conceive of having another child.
Best I get started. I’ll be 35 next year and have no idea how long it’ll take me to fall pregnant. Yip; the first time, it took me two years, a traumatic miscarriage and one year of fertility treatment to finally become a mother.
I always suspected that my polycystic ovaries would be a problem but until I met Alex I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to breed. Then, suddenly, I wanted to be a parent so badly; it became an all-consuming ache, a thwarted instinctual desire, the quest that has taught me the most and burned the deepest.
How did I finally become a mother?
Well briefly (for that is another story) I prioritised my wellbeing by stressing less (taking on less work); medicating my insulin resistance and underactive thyroid; had acupuncture and imbibed Chinese herbs; treated myself often to reflexology and massages, began exercising (walking, Power Plate and Pilates); took enough supplements to bankrupt myself; went for therapy and indulged in other forms of alternate healing.
The journey was necessary. Much healing took place. Eventually, despite my greatest efforts, I ended up at the Vitalab under the cutting-edge, healing care of Dr Gobbets.
But, a few months into the treatment, I lost my centre. My desperation grew with each disappointment—the hormones worked against me and I began to experience a crushing depression that was only alleviated by taking an anti-depressant and evacuating with my husband to Asia for a month. Once slightly ‘normal’ again, I resumed the treatment and three months later, I was pregnant! The conception was clinical, (I believe it was half time during a Manchester United game) but I finally had a strong pregnancy that held.
So, how do I feel on the precarious precipice of trying for child number two?
Terrified, curious, hopeful.
I reckon that much of what hindered me previously was psychological; I’m hoping I’ve cleared out most of that debris. I’m a mind-body-spirit person and believe firmly that how you think and what you feel manifests in your body. I tell my body constantly, ‘Body- listen up! You’re amazing! You carried life once you can do it again!’
This time, I’m also relieved of urgency – the burning ache to experience motherhood is absent. This time it’s for Eva. Although I feel fulfilled with just one child, I don’t want to deprive my daughter of an all important sibling in this world. I do not want another child to make me happy, but rather to enhance our existing happiness.
The truth is that my polycystic ovaries are not cured. My endocrine system needs work. Again I’ll do whatever it takes but have opted for the natural route first. Homeopath Dr Helen Didcott is treating me with a remedy to balance the body and I am back at my old friend, Doc Mackendry, Chinese doctor. Perhaps this time, a sprinkling of some natural magic, a heap of self-belief, my husband’s strong swimmers and a dollop of good timing will be enough to fertilise me.
Yes, lightning has been known to strike the same place twice. If not, I’ll be winging my way back to Dr ‘Obi Won Gobi’ at Vitalab. And, this time, I’ll know with absolute certainty just by looking at Eva, that even if I meltdown temporarily, it’ll absolutely be worth it. Have you struggled to fall pregnant? Share your experience in the comment box below, or mail us at email@example.com