'I see pregnant people!'
Why is it when you want to get pregnant the world is full of other people’s babies?
My heart often decides things for me long before my head catches up. So while my head was saying, 'You can't afford this. And what about your sleep? You don't even own a house yet!', my heart had already made a baby-shaped hole
that needed to be filled.
Suddenly I was attracted to the baby sections in shops (Have you seen how tiny these are?!) and I’ve been trawling baby name sites, looking up meanings, fitting combinations with our surname and firing off emails to my patient husband randomly throughout the day.
It seems though that since we’ve made this decision, all I see is pregnant people
: in malls, on the train, walking around town. Everywhere. And every month when I look at another negative pregnancy test, it seems like 5 more people have had a baby or are expecting one.
I wonder if it’s not just my mind playing tricks on me. I’m sure people were falling pregnant and having babies long before the thought even occurred to me but now that it’s on my mind I just notice them more.
I sometimes feel angry that people who don’t even want a baby tend to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat, purely by accident. While I’m not angry at the people who rejoice these unplanned wonders, it’s the ones who throw them away or abort them that leave me seething at the injustice of it all.
And then I think… everything in its time.
They say that man plans and God laughs. And as surely as He decides when it’s your time to die, He decides when it’s your time to be born. So I’ll wait patiently for my little one and have some fun in the meantime.
What goes through your mind as you wait for your turn to be pregnant?
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