A second surprise baby?
Is the second or third child also unplanned for some single mothers?
The other day curiosity got the better of me when looking at some of my friends who have a second or even a third child out of wedlock. To some (not all) mothers, the first child out of wedlock is usually unplanned and when the second or third child is born from the same woman, I wondered whether these kids are also unplanned. Of course, not every mother wants to get married- some are just happy being single mothers. As a single mother I know that raising a child all alone is not child’s play but a second child is not something I am not thinking of any time soon unless I get married.
Having choices or being chosen
Asking a few close friends who are single mothers with more than one child they had this to say:
Nandipha: My first child was unplanned (I was still at school), and the relationship with the father of the child did not work out after my daughter was born so we parted ways. As part of my plan I wanted to have a second child within a marriage set-up but when marriage was not coming I then decided to have a second child. I did not want to have only one child. My second child was planned from my side and I knew what I was getting myself into unlike the first child.
Saphokazi: My second child was unplanned. I know I should have been more careful since my first child was also unplanned but then these things happen. I am no longer with the father of my first child but the father of my second child and I are planning to get married. Although my second was unplanned things have worked out for the better. In terms of me being irresponsible the second time I really cannot answer that because at the end of the day both my children are loved and they are my responsibility. Whether the father of my second born child was there or not I am still going to take care of them.
Olwethu: My first child was unplanned and so was my second child. I did not want to abort my second born so I went on to have him. It was irresponsible of me to have another unplanned child because I had to leave school to raise both kids, I just could not let my mother take care of both of them. Both my kids have the same father and he is taking care of them but my studies and future are compromised. I hope to go back to school one day so that I do not depend on their grant money. I am looking for work and later in life I will go back to school.
Lizzy: My first child was planned but then the second and third child were unplanned. I was not on contraceptives but did not think I was going to fall pregnant. As crazy as it sounds it just happened but I am taking care of all of them.
One thing I know with most single mothers is that they take care of their situation no matter what the situation. Who are we to judge, these things happen?
Does it matter if the babies are unplanned, as long as their mom takes responsibility?