Elana Afrika's open letter to grandparents
10 Things I wish I could tell my daughter's grandparents to stop doing.
This is the perfect opportunity to open up to my baby’s grandparents. She is a lucky girl. With 2 sets of dedicated, loving grandparents, what can go wrong?
Let’s start with:
1. Sorry, Moms and Dads, but you are going to have to take the baby’s pictures off Facebook. Also untag us in the “poop” comments. Dad, please don’t feel bad. Ok? Ma... please speak to Dad.
2. The doctor said you have to follow a diabetic diet. I scratched in your bedroom drawer for chocolate the other day and found… chocolate. It was yummy. You can have the fruit, but not in chocolate. Sorry I scratched in your drawer. ?
3. My stepdaughter cannot have a GHD. I said no, and her dad said yes. You said maybe. Sooooo…The answer is no. She is too young and they are hot enough to toast bread. I have toasted bread with my GHD before. So she cannot toast her hair just yet.
4. Please kiss the baby only once. When you kiss her for a long, long time, her face starts smelling like you. Like cinnamon and like fudge and sometimes like coffee. Then I have to wash her face again. Then you kiss her again. I’m a first-time mom and want my baby to smell like baby products.
5. Both my dads: The reason someone asks for the owner of the house when you work in the garden, is because we need to change what you wear when you are working in the garden. The T-shirt with the holes in them and the KFM hat and “veldskoene” does not qualify as an outfit of someone who owns your house. Let's start with the T-shirts. I’m buying one in every color.
6. Please can you use the smartphone I gave you? I can’t print all the pictures we take of the baby every week. You will be able to view them without printing it. Promise.
7. The GPS is for your car. Plugging it in at home and writing down the directions defeats the purpose. Can we fix the lighter plug thingi majigi in your car?
8. We know the bottles of wine without the labels are cheaper, but they don’t gift very well. Can we print you stickers for them? Or perhaps we give you the extra money for wine WITH labels.
9. Please park at the airport when you collect me with the baby. Driving around in circles around the airport does not save you money. If you park, you can pay like R20 and save all the dramarama.
10. You cannot take flowers that you bought for mom back to the shop for a refund if they don’t open up within 3 days. Perhaps you should apologise to the shop owner and buy mom flowers elsewhere from now on.
See you Sunday for lunch.
I will make dessert. With extra brandy.