Whose birth is it anyway?
All a woman about to give birth needs is support, not judgement, says this mom.
By Tori Hoffmann
When it comes to how you're going to birth your baby, I really just wish people would keep their opinion to themselves. Just the other day, I was stalking around on Facebook when I came across a thread that was lucky enough not to have me as a friend, because I seriously unliked it.
Article originally in Parent24
The poor woman in question had posted something along the lines of, '41 weeks pregnant, we are looking towards a Caesar, don’t know how I would be able to get this monster out anyway'
All she wanted was a voice of approval. Someone to tell her that that was a great idea, that an induction might land up as a Caesar anyway, and that getting her baby out safely was all that mattered. Instead, a doula jumped on the bandwagon and told her to sit tight and that she needed to trust that this baby would be born when it was ready. The doula, who was obviously not wanting to lose her job, was determined this baby be born vaginally, even though her doctor was looking towards a sunroof experience.
If this wasn't enough to put the poor woman off, a mom of 3 proceeded to talk about how she had given birth both ways, that the Caesar was very much less of an experience and that you really do lose out if you have one as you don't bond with the baby at birth (and afterwards) - you know, the usual positive stuff you want to hear right before you have to have a Caesar.
And finally, other anti-Caesarists harped on about how terrifying a Caesar is, how difficult it is to look after a baby post-Caesar, how painful the recovery is, that you can’t breastfeed right away, that the scar is with you for life, etc. I felt so sorry for the heavily pregnant, hormonally charged first-time mom I almost asked her to be a friend there and then.
No birth judges, thanks!
Firstly, the doula was being totally irresponsible. If a doctor thinks a baby needs to come out via a Caesar, then surely you need to trust that doctor? If you don’t, then find another doctor.
Please. And why is it that when doulas and midwives root for natural birth, they never mention any of the scary stuff, like the tearing, or the hours (sometimes days!) of labour pain that can ensue? After all, they are the ones who have been in the delivery room and seen it all.
And then there’s the mom of 3 who thought that since she'd done it both ways, she had the right to judge which was the best way. Even if this was her experience, then why can’t she just accept that this was HER experience and it doesn’t necessarily mean everyone else’s experience will mirror hers?
Why can’t she, and the many moaning minnies who joined her camp, just accept that sometimes a Caesar is just a Caesar and the only option for some people, and the more encouragement and support they get, the better it will be for everyone?
As moms, we are all on this roller coaster ride together and really, it shouldn't be a competition about who had the best (or worst) birth. Because in all honesty, all that flies out the window when your baby, no matter how it entered the world, is lying on your chest.
Well it should, anyway.
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Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.