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My pregnant bladder

 
With my bladder under pressure, I lost all sense of skaam. It even had me peeing among the pastries!
By Catherine Goldfain

Pic: Shutterstock

Article originally in Parent24
When I fell pregnant, I knew it spelled trouble for my bladder. Being the owner of a particularly small specimen, my urologist had warned me that I’d be ‘spending the entire nine months on the loo.’ And boy was he right!

Thanks to my preggy belly, I spent the whole of my 'shotgun' wedding gripping my knees together in terror of sneezing (thank goodness for the short sermon!) Turns out wedding dresses aren't the easiest to deal with when it comes to slipping in a quick pee-break either. 

Squatting among the daisies

For our honeymoon, we chose (of all things!) a two week road trip, venturing along bumpy mountain paths and winding dirt roads in the middle of nowhere. Having planned the route according to potential toilet stops, I soon realised that, bar drinking nothing all trip long, I was going to have to start 'roughing it'.

Of all our honeymoon photos, I think the one of me squatting among the Namaqualand daisies, is the most fitting. While most newly-weds would have their mind on other things, this bride was up for a pee: anywhere, anytime. A few days into our little adventure, I'd lost all sense of skaam about my roadside watering.

Being back at work brought with it a whole new set of challenges. Peak hour traffic became enemy number one. I tried everything from my Gran's advice (thinking of the desert), through to deep breathing – but there's a limit to what a pregnant bladder can handle. During one particularly trying episode, I recalled how a fellow preggy had used one of her firstborn's nappies as an emergency measure. Clever lady that.

Shopping malls took on a whole new feel for me. In fact it was a supreme test of skill to suss out the closest toilet stop. I'll never forget my Mom dishing out the incontinence pads: “Here, they're not as bad as you think,” she grinned. It suddenly occurred to me that between pads and loo-rolls, paperware companies must make a killing off pregnant women.

Here comes the flood

While most people can admit to having a few cringe-worthy moments in their lifetime, I have my pregnancy bladder to thank for my worst one yet.  It was pay-day weekend. There we were - my globe-like belly and I, braving the supermarket hordes in the quest for the ultimate pregnancy snack.

As I shuffled up to the baked goods section, I could feel a little tickle at the back of my nose. With the threat of a full blown sneeze looming, I crossed my legs in anticipation. A shoulder-shuddering blast later, I felt the tiniest warm trickle, running down my thigh. Of all the days to be wearing shorts!

With rising panic and the trickle now at calf level, I peered quickly over each shoulder. The coast was clear. Ever so carefully- and with the calmest look I could summon, I lifted one leg up like a flamingo, rubbing away the evidence of my mishap. Hurrah! If I'd survived springing a leak in the supermarket, there was NOTHING this preggie couldn't handle!

Now, with the birth of my little one, the weight of the world shifted off my bladder and onto my shoulders. Free from the constant urge to pee, I can now fully appreciate what my undersized little balloon went through. Despite the constant knyping, the roadside squats and the desperate bathroom-hunts, we’ve made it through to the other side.

And for that, my dear bladder, I salute you!

Did you have any pregnancy bladder mishaps? Share yours in the comment box below.

 
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