Madonna vs Baby-daddy
It's the Material mom against the biological dad. Marlon Abrahams picks the dad over the dollars.
(Robyn Abrahams)

So Madonna wants to adopt another baby and as usual the whole world is watching.

Debating the reasons why this is a big deal is unnecessary as I think we all know why the issue is making headlines. Adoptions happen all over the world daily, and if it wasn’t Madonna doing the adoption, we’d be none the wiser. However, one James Kambewa, has suddenly crawled out of the woodwork claiming to be the kid’s father and wanting to raise her.

There are conflicting reports about James’ awareness of his daughter up until now. Some reports state that he did not know of his kid’s existence. Yet other reports say he abandoned the kid after her mother died in childbirth

Anyway he was quoted as saying he is capable and wants to raise his daughter.

Madonna’s reasons for wanting to adopt are neither here nor there as far as I’m concerned. What concerns me as a father raising daughters is the dilemma faced by James.

The responsibilities of raising a child are enormous. Aside from the daunting financial and material responsibilities, the more challenging and life altering issues will always be the identity and emotional development of the little girl.

I have come to realise that money and material comforts, although important, pale in comparison with the love and emotional stability a child finds through the nurturing of a loving parent.

So James is 24-years-old. He’s apparently “capable” of raising his daughter. I think the Malawian courts should focus on James’ ability to do just that and almost ensure that if he is indeed able to, he should be allowed to be a father to his daughter. I have no doubt that Madonna will undoubtedly be a good provider for her adopted children. But with all due respect Ms Madonna, there is no substitute for the love of a caring parent, especially one who shows a willingness to be involved.

After Hannah was born I went through the same drama many guys go through to gain access to their kids. Eventually I resorted to the courts and all was well. During my access to Hannah I thought it would be “cool” for her to call me by my first name. This she did, ‘cos she didn’t know any better I guess. However, when she was around 2-years-old and in pre-school, she suddenly started calling me daddy. When I asked her what made her switch from Marlon to Daddy, she calmly said, “because you are my daddy.”

I’ve since learnt that that statement had a lot to do with her realising the role I played in her life. All her little friends had a daddy who fetched them from pre-school. When she realised that this daddy person was someone with whom she shared a biological and emotional bond, she wanted to reinforce that to herself and her world. I think James should be given the chance to have the same experience. Of-course if it turns out that James is just claiming his 15 minutes of fame in the glare of Madonna’s spotlight, I’d rather see him crawl back into the woodwork and allow the material girl to upgrade the little girl’s circumstances from the pathetic orphanage which she now calls home.

What do you think about the Madonna adoption debate?

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