Watch the nuts!
Marlon Abrahams fears for his family jewels.
What is it with little girls and the nut-cracker? Maddison is at that height now! You know, the height where no matter what she does when she’s interacting with you, you know that sooner or later you’re going get a hard kick in the nuts.

We were rolling around on the bed just the other day playing wrestlemania (I know, God forgive me). And through gritted teeth and fake smiley face I counted no less than 24 kicks, elbows and head-butts full on to my best mate and his two round neighbours. I mean come-on, are kids programmed to hit the bulls-eye all the time? I guess it has got to do with their height at this stage of their development.

Nevertheless it has been quite traumatic for my best china. First he expressed shock and indignation at been smacked around unceremoniously. Shock soon turned into melodramatic horror when he realised the smacks were not followed up by the usual caressing and cooing of some unknown feminine voice. Instead, a harder thwack would follow without apparent warning. When he looked down to discuss the matter with his spherical neighbours, his horror was upgraded to complete freak-out mode when he found them dangling around practically life-less. What was to be done, he wondered?

During a short bout of recovery, or cease-ball-bashing,the three of them held a mini-summit. Mini, because clearly they could no longer reach the impressive heights they’d been accustomed to. The outcome was a high-level delegation sent to the brain to demand what was going on. Apparently the negotiations were fierce, with the brain claiming to know the reason for the nut-crunches. However, he was sworn to secrecy by the eyes. Well, the envoy-de-la-penis had no alternative but to threaten an immediate withdrawal and cessation of all orgasms. This apparently did the trick as the eyes reacted with wide-open alarm and revealed the culprit.

An unassuming 3-year-old creature of the female persuasion, who was apparently initiated by the very same complainant and his two globular accomplices. At last glance the trio were seen in heated discussion with the legs and feet in an apparent last ditch attempt to get them to go to the nearest sporting goods store to purchase a cricket box...

Have you noticed how kids crunch into your most delicate areas?

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