Father’s Day – the good, the bad and the ugly
Why use Father’s Day as a chance to air your bitterness, wonders Marlon Abrahams.
And so another Father’s Day’s come and gone and as always the good, the bad and the ugly have crawled out of the woodwork looking for attention on this silly commercial-driven day. I wonder who came up with the idea. Surely not a bona fide dad, I’d wager, ‘cos any real dad knows that every day is Father’s Day and we don’t need a special day to remind us of how special we are. All a money making racket, I say. The main point I wanted to make this week about us fathers is that I never realised what a whiney bunch of wet rags some of us can be.
We crawled out of our miserable little holes on Facebook, Twitter and even on the telly to sulk and bitch about how hard done by we are ‘cos our kids don’t love us, or our exes won’t allow us access. A local businessman took it upon himself to provide a free meal for a bunch of dads who apparently are not recognised by their kids and have not received any kind of affection or whatever on father’s day for many a year. They interviewed an old goat who stuttered and stammered through a woeful tale about not having seen his daughter for the last 40 years.
Then there was the guy moaning about how he can’t get access to his kids ‘cos his ex is the proverbial bitch from hell and the courts are against him and the whole world just sucks and on and on and on...
Enough! If you haven’t seen your kid for 40 years, China, there’s probably a damned good reason for it and what with your kid probably being an adult by now and still not choosing to look you up. I’d say the issues between you two are pretty much cast in stone. So either one or both of you is probably responsible for allowing the relationship to get to this point. Forget about it, move on.
Don’t spend all your energy on someone irrelevant
As for those of us bitching about our exes. For the love of all things holy, do not spend the rest of your life being miserable and angry because some stupid cow decided to play God. Let the bitch play God, it will come back to haunt her. Hell hath no fury like an angry teen. If you have exhausted all legal means and you still don’t have access, there’s either a good reason why the judge has allowed it, or you have a lesson to learn before you’ll get what you want. Keep your nose clean and be patient.
Do all you can and then stop. Keep a journal and wait for you kid to be old enough to decide to see you voluntarily. To give the ex so much power that she reduces you to an emotional incoherent Sannie-jammergat on public social networks is just not cricket old chap.
There are many other nicer fish in the sea, find someone new, have another kid, be happy.
Look, I’m not making light of the issues, I’ve been through them myself, but seriously, you cannot spend your life being angry, let go, move on. Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.
Do you let your history interfere with your parenting?