How bad is divorce really?
The evidence is clear: We need to put aside bitterness and make it as painless as possible for kids, says single dad Marlon.
Children’s mathematics scores changed if their parents split up if they were in the 6 to 9 age groups, says research by Hyun Sik Kim, published in the American Sociological Review.
Apparently children in that age group whose parents divorce, tend to have problems with mathematics. They also suffer from anxiety and depression for at least 2 years after the split, while suffering from a general decline in social skills.
The research is the first long-term study to extrapolate the effects of divorce by the pre-divorce, during-divorce and post-divorce phases.
Apparently a surprise outcome of the study was that children are not really affected by what happens prior to the actual divorce, presumably this is because everyone involved lives in hope that it can be resolved. However, it all begins to go downhill after the divorce proceedings begin.
Avoid the divorce dramas
Obviously in certain cases divorce might be unavoidable or necessary, and one would hope that in the long term, situations like these do turn out to be the right long term decision.
However, the message is clear, that we as parents need to be acutely aware of the effect our kak and drama will have on our little ones. And the scary thing is that in some cases the diminished social skills are permanent and can never be reversed. And this clearly leads to children with issues, which they then in-turn pass on to their kids one day.
An earlier study, done in 1989 study found that ‘children whose parents divorced in the first 5 years of the child's life were worse off than children whose parents divorced later,’ according to LiveScience.com
This would make sense when compared to the generally accepted principle that an adult’s so-called blue-print years are between 0 and 7. So what do we do? Do we wait until our kids are 7 if we’re thinking of divorce? Do we stay together until our kids are old enough to fly the coop, but you and I have been reduced to empty husks? Our life force sucked dry by the toxic dynamics of a dysfunctional marriage?
In most cases of bitter divorce, often the only good thing to come from the marriage are the children. So let’s try to make the emotional scars and social adjustments of divorce on our kids as relatively painless as possible.
What are the keys to a drama-free divorce?