"I won't let my kids kill my dreams"
Are you one of those parents who set their dreams aside just because you had kids?
As a mother one, of the things I do and will continue doing is to live my life and do the things I still want to do as Masanda. I have noticed that many parents stop living their lives once they have kids and focus ALL of their energy on their kids but I guess I am different when it comes to my style of parenting.
Firstly, I do my best for my son and try to balance things out ensuring a safe and stable environment for him the best way I know how. I’m not about to let go of my dreams and ambitions because my son is in my life. This might sound selfish to other people and it has certainly has sounded selfish to some of my friends but this is how I choose to live my life as a mother.
My view is that my son has his own path and I have my own path but in the process I won’t neglect my dreams and what I AM destined to be. I guess in families where there are two parents one can sacrifice but still I feel that this shouldn’t be the case.
One sometimes hears parents telling their kids “emva kokuba ndimise ubomi bam for wena now awukwazi ukundenzela izinto ezithile”, loosely translated “After I stopped living my life and stopped my dreams for you, now you cannot do this and that” – there seems to be an element of “you owe me”.
I definitely don’t want to be one of those mothers who feels that my son owes me. He owes me nothing. God chose me to bring him into this word and I pray that God gives me the wisdom and strength to raise a well balanced young man but am not about to surrender all of my dreams because he is in my life. I am still responsible to be there for him as a mother, this does not mean that the motherly duties are neglected.
I know that some people leave their kids behind to go and study abroad and we judge these parents, especially the mothers. This shouldn’t be the case. When you stop living your life what then happens to your dreams? Why should you abandon the life you were intended to live because of your children?
In your old age, are we going to hear how you wanted to be an architect or be a nurse but could not because you had children? Of course a few things here and there will be changed, I can’t make spontaneous decisions, everything has to be carefully thought through but I will still pursue my dreams.
This is not an easy path because you will have people who want to make you feel bad as if you are an inadequate mother but then again I know that I am not the only one.
Have you given up your dreams for the sake of your kids?
Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.
Read more by Masanda Peter