Single dads aren’t “real men”
Mixed messages when dating are a challenge for Marlon Abrahams.
Any responsible single parent knows that the rules of dating are different for us. You know that you don’t introduce the kids to anyone you’re dating unless you think there is real potential. As a man having dated a few single moms I accept that the kid is part of the deal. I mean you don’t enter in a relationship with a single mom if you can’t handle the fact that she has to share her time with her kid, right? Yeah, right: apparently that rule does not apply the other way around.
I’m often complimented for my parenting skills and the work I do around parenting. And indeed I have had the odd approach and pick-up line with direct reference to my parental abilities.
No kids, please, we’re dating...
What I wasn’t prepared for was to end up in a situation where I had to defend the time I spend with my kids. What made it even more bizarre was that the woman in question is a single mother herself, admittedly her kids are older than mine and do not require as much supervision as mine do. Oh and her ex is a useless father figure, just by the way.
She says: Parenting “is a woman’s job”
You’d think the female of the species would understand, wouldn’t you? Nope, I was accused of being a “daddy-mommy” and that “it’s the woman’s job” to raise the kids, and that I am giving the mothers of my kids too much time off from their parental responsibilities. It should be noted that I have equal time with my kids, in other words, I see them as much as their mothers do, twice a week and every second weekend. And they sleep over and I take them to school, pick them up, clean, cook etc, just like any other responsible single dad, or mom for that matter would do.
He says: Like me, like my parenting
I was truly flabbergasted by this argument. What made it even more bizarre is that all the other stuff between this woman and I was awesome, especially the chemistry. So, I’m sitting there listening to hot mamma’s argument and I’m like “huh?” “Are you freaking serious with this crap?”
Does being a single dad mean you’re not a “real man”?
As is my way, I thought let’s not jump to any hasty decisions, after all the sex was incredible. So I did a quick survey among some of my single mom associates and pals. OMG, was I in for a surprise, even a fellow single mom columnist on this same platform admitted that it is a real issue. Women, it seems want us to be “real men”. And apparently that does not include being a responsible single dad taking care of one’s brood while “their mothers get to gallivant.”
Goodbye, says this dad, I AM a real man
As far as I’m concerned being a “real man” has to include being a responsible father. No one wants a wuss, or a person who is dominated or “whipped” by their kids, and this wasn’t the issue here. But envy or jealousy at your partner’s ability and commitment to their kids is not only childish in the extreme, it’s downright wrong. If you can’t handle a guy who takes his parental responsibilities seriously, don’t go there. Yeah, I dumped her fine ass. Life’s too short ain’t it?
Read more by Marlon Abrahams
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Would you agree that being a dad makes a man less attractive?