She drives me crazy
Teen daughters are uniquely placed to annoy their parents. Here’s why.
The reasons why your teenage daughter can so easily push your buttons are more about you than her. What we parents bring with us to this relationship often drives misunderstanding.
We have particular standards and ‘rules’ about how to live, and conditioned beliefs about certain behaviours. This leads us to jump to conclusions or have set perceptions. We almost always have an ‘agenda’ when dealing with her.A parent’s agenda
1. Where we at in the present. (our mood, our stressors, our distractions)
2. Our past experiences
3. Our expectations (who should be doing what)
4. How we cope with controlling our own emotions
5. Our assumptions & fears
We have the best intentions and they get thwarted by our agenda and reactions.A few classic assumptions
1. She’s doing this to irritate me
2. She can’t be trusted
3. She is manipulating me or dad
4. What will others think of me/us?
5. She thinks the whole world revolves around her
6. She’s embarrassing me
7. She should know better
8. I’m always left to cope on my own
9. I’m a failure at this
10. She’s going to be fat
11. If I give in now, she’ll run amok
12. I always have to fight for what I want
13. She’s going to be a useless adult
14. She’ll be the death of me
Is it any wonder we sometimes struggle to communicate with teens, if we assume the worst before they even open their mouths?