It’s becoming a familiar scenario, even in school parking areas, where you narrowly miss being knocked over by an obnoxious 18-year-old driver who’s roaring towards the school gates.
I’d like to appeal to the parents of new drivers when I say, “drive like a retard and so will your kids.”
Read more: DON'T try this at home
And to the new teenage drivers who have no clue how quick and easy it is to land up in a coma (at best) or to kill yourself and others (at worst) by doing things that you probably think are cool when driving with your mates: YOU ARE NOT COOL. You belong in a school for ants where humans skate over ants on skateboards.
We know you're young and fearless and you probably feel as though you have some sort of guardian angel modified into your exhaust system who protects you from flying through your car window head-first into a lamp post at 140 km's an hour. Have you ever considered what life might be like stuck in a wheel chair while all your friends head off overseas for their gap year, leaving you behind, only for your mom to have to feed you puréed vegetables through a sippy cup?
Sorry to put a damper on your day, kids, but this has to stop.
Perhaps you're not one of those sorts of drivers and you do your best to be vigilant and smart when driving, in which case I applaud and thank you for saving lives today.
Here's an idea: why don't you and all your fellow smart driving friends team up and make a point of telling your less intelligent driving friends how stupid they look when they dodge red robots or attempt wheel spins through the school grounds while blasting music that would prevent them from noticing a zombie apocalypse emerging from their car engine?
And to those of you who aren't yet driving: if you get into a car with someone who you suspect is under the influence or someone who you know has bad driving habits, DON'T EVER THINK for a second that it's 'not cool' to ask the driver to stop the car. Wait until your parents (or an Uber) or someone with half a brain can come and get you. (Also tell the driver what a loser he or she is once you're out of the car).
Now that that’s out of the way let’s chat about how to be a responsible (really cool) teen driver who everyone will love and aspire to be like because... well because you still have your arms and legs. Thanks to your (very cool) safe and mature driving skills, you also care about other people on the road. This means that you don’t ever do any of the following (seriously UNCOOL) things:
Speeding through orange robots (lame).
Blasting loud music that stops you from hearing important sirens or things happening around you (retard).
Not wearing a seat belt (ha...flying teens with missing teeth...awesome).
Dangerous wheel spins and turns (well, you could always haunt Tiger Tiger if you really miss it when you're gone).
Never checking a blind spot (because you're too lazy and too busy texting).
Texting and driving (you're not good at multitasking, you're just stupid. Also lame).
Driving too far or too close to the steering wheel (You're not a Granny, nor are you Snoop Dog, so get over it and drive as if driving responsibly means that you'll never have to face a hospital bed, a wheel chair or a prison cell for the rest of your life).
Be smart, be safe, stay cool and remember: bad driving habits = bad accidents.
Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.
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