Adult children who won’t leave the nest
If adult children are still living at home, when should parents say enough is enough?
By Masanda Peter
Last week I met a mother who couldn't wait for her children to move out. She is retired and her adult kids still live at home. She said that when they are away, she is so at peace and just enjoys all the extra space. Not that they are doing anything bad, they are pleasant kids but she cannot wait for them to be on their own. She has also built a cottage for them at the back of her home so that they can be out of the house even though they are still in the yard. She wants her space to herself.
Article originally in Parent24
I am sure staying that at home, especially when one is already working, depends from family to family and even person to person. Some families believe that children, especially girls, can leave home only when they get married. Some adult kids are staying at home because they are unemployed and therefore cannot afford to be on their own. With statistics stating that approximately 42% of young people under the age of 30 are unemployed compared with less than 17% of adults over the age of 30, this could be reason why we see so many young people still staying at home.
People have different reasons for staying at home; a friend stays at home because her father wanted her to save money and she can then buy property of her own. Her father did not want her to face financial burdens because their house is big enough - she doesn't even have to contribute towards groceries.
A domestic worker mother of two, Nelly, has her kids still staying at home and she says that they are unemployed. If she were to tell them to leave the house because they are grown ups, where would they go? She feels better that they are still in the house even though she hopes that they get employed soon.
Lazy or lacking options?
Sometimes we think that those still at home are just lazy, of course there are those cases where this is the truth. Another scenario could be that of elderly parents who have no one to look after them so some adult kids decide to stay at home, even if it means sacrificing their own careers. The recession saw a lot of people going back home: home is where the heart is, and when days are dark home is one of the places one can go to.
I guess we can to look at the different scenarios to understand what is going on with the adult kids still at home. Maybe as a parent who is frustrated having adult kids at home, a set of rules can help to alleviate the pressures brought by the situation. Communicating the real reasons why one is still at home could be a great start so that everyone is on the same page.
Do you expect your kids to leave home at a certain age when they grow up?