An apology from a single mom
"I am sorry for giving you such a difficult version of life"
To the scores of children born outside of wedlock and not enjoying it, I stand in the gap for all the mothers and fathers that gave birth to you. Honestly, we did not know that it would hurt you so badly. So, I am sorry for giving you such a difficult version of life. I am sorry, really sorry.
I apologize for creating an envious spirit in you. I apologize for making an avenue of anger, jealousy as you watch other children play and being cared for by both parents under one roof. For making you suffer the torment of watching others have their fathers carry them on their shoulders. For being spectators of what a happy bonded family could be, and yet deprive you of the very thing you so desire. We thought you would manage to understand that we love you. We thought you would come up to speed and adjust because so many of you are in the same shoes. But we thought amiss. You are individuals and have your own expectations regarding your own worlds.
Forgive our short sightedness. We honestly wish the best for you. We have no bad intentions and love you deeply. We are prepared to do all we can humanly possible, to give you joy, peace and maturity. Accept our humble, most genuine apology. The plan was not to hurt you and some of us got into this life and did not plan it. We also had great plans for ourselves but life happened and trust me it happens to the best of us.
Some of us got married and had children in wedlock. We expected you to love them as your own siblings but yet we expected you to do the unnatural. Our husbands love you and take you as their own but you die every time they love their 'new' kids. We have been most unrealistic and forced you to be 'normal' in grossly abnormal circumstances. Sorry for these unnecessary crosses you have had to bear from childhood. Sorry you had to have voids that no one could fill. Sorry we have to enjoy our lives while you suffer silently without anyone to confess these feelings to.
When life was difficult to us and we crumbled under life's pain, we never could understand why you would not just get along with your lives and be grateful! We thought you were unreasonable, we thought you were difficult, but today, we get off our high horses, and we apologise. Forgive us for hurting and confusing you, causing you to have torn allegiances between us and your absent fathers. You lived in a fantasy world, creating for yourselves knights in shining amour, a bubble that could not be sustained. We are sorry for making it additionally painful to be human.
At school, you displayed less than ideal behaviour sometimes and we shouted more than to understand. You became the class clown because you sought affirmation. You meddled with drugs and substances and we really judged you. We told you to accept what you can't change because your fathers were nowhere to be seen. You are hurting, we misunderstood. Forgive us. Please release us from your anger. Please forgive us and let us start on a clean slate.
We love you dearly.
Read more by Masanda Peter
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