Child of adultery
Could you accept your partner’s child from an extramarital affair?
By Lizwe Mudiwa
Infidelity can rock even the strongest of marriages, causing a lot of pain for the innocent party. The hurt gets compounded if the affair results in a baby being born. If the marriage survives such a hard knock, a decision has to be made whether to integrate that child into the family.
Article originally in Parent24
I’ve witnessed couples in a similar situation opt to bring the child, born out of wedlock, into the matrimonial home. This situation makes me feel uncomfortable. I always wonder: how can a woman, whose husband cheated, live in peace with a baby born as a result of the affair?
I salute all the people out there, who not only forgave their straying partners but also embraced their partner’s children. This usually happens if the birth mother is unable to take care of the baby.
However, I think it’s a mistake for the wronged party to accept her husband’s lovechild into the family unit if she has not forgiven him for the affair. She has to work through her anger and make peace with herself before taking on extra baggage. If she’s not comfortable with the child staying in the matrimonial home then she should speak her mind out.
Sadly, I’ve seen situations where a woman, who’s been cheated, takes out her frustration on the innocent child, maybe as a way of indirectly getting back at her husband. Because the child will normally be younger than his or her siblings there is also a real danger that the child will be subjected to bullying in the matrimonial home.
This is unacceptable. The three adults involved should look at the situation and come up with a solution that will ensure that the child grows up in a happy and stable home environment. In my observation, with a few exceptions, children born under these circumstances usually fare better if they stay with their biological mothers.
This column assumes that the woman is the wronged party. Men have also been cheated by their wives and have found themselves in the same dilemma of deciding whether or not to accept children who are not biologically theirs.
It’s very unfair to bring children into this world to subject them to such a difficult situation. The solution is easy - let’s be faithful to our mates to avoid such situations from occurring in the first place. It can’t be that hard.
Would you be accept your partner’s child from an affair?