Dear new mom

Dear new mom

It’s an utter miracle, what you’ve done. That shock of dark hair. Those tiny, reaching hands. Even though I’ve been there three times before myself, I still found your achievement to be a wonder, a marvel.

Today, you’ll go home with him. I’m thinking about all that means for you because I remember what it meant for me.

Allow me, if I may, to offer some advice. Not because I think I know better than you. You’re the best person for the job of caring for him. You’re not a “new” mom. You’re a mom now, just like us “veterans”, who had their babies 100 years ago. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. I offer you these tips because I remember being there. And some days, it feels like you’re the only one in the world to have ever experienced these things. Some days, you wish there was someone who understood.

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On that first day at home, you’ll wonder if he’s sleeping too much. Whether you’re holding him too much. Whether he’s getting enough milk. I remember bringing Kid1 home, placing him in his car seat in the middle of the lounge, and thinking, “what now?” You won’t be the first to experience that. He’s here now. He’ll sleep and feed and poop and you’ll spend hours just gazing at each other. And you’ll both be just fine.

This is just the beginning of days, and months and years upon years of enjoying him. Watching him “wake up” to the things around him. Being a witness to him soaking up everything that there is to learn about the world around him.

There’ll be days when he won’t stop crying. I remember that feeling of guilt. Or was it sadness? Or maybe it was frustration. I still can’t identify the feeling that overtakes you when he’s crying and crying and you can’t make it stop. You’ve fed him, you’ve changed him, you’ve burped him. He’s warm and comfortable. But still he cries.

Know that those days will be interspersed with days when you’ll feel completely on top of it all. When he’ll have slept for hours, and he’s content and you’re feeling like you can take on the world.

Those days and nights of ceaseless crying will end. He’ll grow and you’ll grow.

You know what he needs and how to care for him. Even when you feel like you don’t know, you’re the best person for the job. You’re the expert. And when you don’t know, there is help.

Read more: My online tribe

There’s always a tribe. Of women who have babies now, or women who’ve had their babies long ago and are willing to help. Whether by chatting to you online, or being there to hold him while he cries and cries and you cry on their shoulder - your tribe is out there, waiting to help. The best ones are there without your having to ask. Go out in search of that tribe. You’re not alone.

Dear new mom. You’re standing on the edge of something astonishing. You’re taking a deep breath and starting a journey that will last as long as you have breath. Savour every tiny moment. You’ve got this.

Do you have any advice for new moms? Send them to us at chatback@parent24.com and we will share them with new moms.