Phat Joe, you let the team down, mate!
Slagging your ex off in public is just not the way to go, says single dad Marlon Abrahams.
According to a national daily newspaper, Phat Joe is a controversial DJ for a Cape-based radio station and he apparently called his ex lover a ‘manipulating bitch’ on air during his prime time breakfast show.

I don’t know the man from a bar of soap and must admit to never having heard his show. But brother, we share something in common in that we’re both in the media spotlight and we’re both parents. Rule number one in the single parenting good book is; it is no longer about you or the ex, it’s all about the child! And in today’s media-driven society, our comments online and in the press live forever, and even long enough for our kids to eventually actually read.

An ex behaving like a ‘manipulative bitch’ is nothing new, it’s been around since when men learnt to whisper sweet nothings into women’s ears, and they believed us. Whatever your issues are with your ex, you do not, not, ever lose your rag over it. And you certainly don’t use a public platform to do it on either!

Suck it up!

And yes I am speaking from experience. Do I get kak and drama from my exes? Is a whale’s bum watertight? But I’ve learnt from experiences to roll with the punches on these issues. If your ex is really being unfair, there is legal recourse. And it does not have to cost a fortune either. A quick visit to the Family Advocate should set you straight.

Whatever else that cannot be resolved legally is part of the deal that you just have to suck up and take like a man!

Women are the fairer sex, they don’t have to make sense. This I’ve discovered is part of their charm. Yes, they can be frustratingly manipulative and unmoved when they hold all the cards. But trust me the wheel turns, kids sense these things intuitively and begin to wonder and make their own often very accurate conclusions.

The most difficult thing in the world is to have to deal with someone who is completely irrational when it comes to something you perceive as your right to (for example access). However, every time you react to it negatively, such as throw a tantrum on the radio - or in person - it just confirms to her that she has power over you.

Trust me on this, I have been there, got the T-shirt, read the book and written the column. Patience and belief in your ability to be a good father to your kids is the key.

From the report in the paper Phat Joe doesn’t want to comment except for saying that ‘it’s a personal matter and I did not mean to cause conflict.’ Well boet, you brought this personal matter into the public arena, and it really is not cool. I hope you go back on air and apologise to the mother of your kid, and in future try not to lose your rag, but if you do, keep it between you and her and try not to expose your kid to it. Come on Team Single Dads, we’re bigger than this!

Have you ever been tempted to say negative things about your ex?

Read more by Marlon Abrahams

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