'I can't connect with my daughter'
The birth of a child is usually a joyous moment but not for this mother.
Rejection (Shutterstock)
When speaking with this mother, she mentioned that she struggles to connect with and love her daughter.

Her daughter is now seven years old and it's not getting any better. I spoke to her to find out what's really happening. 

How did it all start?

"When I was pregnant with my daughter I went through so much pain and rejection with her father. He abandoned me as soon as I told him that I was pregnant and I became a single mother and he has not come to see the child ever since she was born. I did not enjoy my pregnancy at all. Her father actually told me to abort her but I refused. He has also questioned paternity of the child."

Can you explain the non-existent connection between you and your daughter?

"When my daughter was born I thought I had post-natal depression that would go away, I had no loving feelings towards her. She was and is just there but do not feel affectionate towards her. I have even wondered whether post-natal depression can take this long as I want to love her but I cannot get myself to love her."

What really happens that makes you worry about your daughter?

"Since she was born I have only hugged her once and even when she asks for a hug I make an excuse. I once beat her black and blue as she was naughty and I now realise that I went overboard. I let her cry her lungs out and felt no need to soothe her. My mother once took her as she noticed that I was not a loving mother and during that time I was admitted to a mental hospital after being diagnosed with severe mental post-natal depression but she brought the child back to me. I have another child now and I am more loving towards my son than with my daughter. I am aware of my actions and need help in loving my daughter. Hence I am talking about it."

Tell me about your daughter

"She wants and asks for my love and she is a loving child but she is also an angry child. I am worried that I might have turned her into a bully. She is rough with other kids when playing and I know that I have contributed towards her behaviour. She is really rough with other kids and for her age I know she should not be like that. She once asked me why I do not have her pictures on my cellphone and computer like her brother and I always make up a story but nothing makes me want to have her pictures with me. I fear that she will resent or even hate me when she is older. I need help. I do want to love her.  I want to make things right and maybe someone out there can help me, it has been seven years and I do not want this to continue forever. I do not want to raise an angry child that has been rejected by both her mother and father."

Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.

Join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter.

Have you ever experienced anything like this? What advice would you give this mother?

Read Parent24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Everything from parties to pre-schools in your area.

Jobs - Find your dream job



R560.00 - R600.00 Per Hour

Sales Representative in Ulundi

Roots Sales and Merchandising

Junior sales trainer

Port Elizabeth
Roots Sales & Merchandising
R4 000.00 - R7 000.00 Per Month

Property - Find a new home