Judging myself
"I am my own worst enemy."
I am my own worst enemy. I have a 5 year old daughter and 14 month old triplet boys.  My life is hectic and yet as I slip away for that afternoon TV catch up the guilt will fill me up. I have a nanny, she can entertain the boys... I worked today I deserve a break... I feel terrible everyday. 

If I play with the boys I judge myself because I'm a bad parent towards my daughter, if I play with her I get scared that my boys don't get enough stimulation and wont be able to count, read etc.  I'm so tired at night if the boys wake up crying I ignore that... I'm a bad mommy. 

I don't deserve being called mommy. All I do is make sure my kids basic needs are met. Why aren't I doing more? Will my daughter turn into a rebellious teenager? Will I have to go bail out my sons from jail?  Maybe we as working parents mustn't have more than 2 kids. We are not able to cope with all the responsibilities. And when things get more worst I tell myself that my kids didn't ask to be in this world. It's my fault that I can't give them my 100%.
Ok that said, I love my kids with all my heart. I will do every and anything for them. Yes I do eventually get up at night and console my baby. Yes I read to my kids, I sing them songs and do funny faces. I do homework with my daughter and I teach them to pray. Maybe it's good for my children to know that we as humans are not perfect, that we can do our best and yet sometimes fail. Through my tears and laughter I hope they just feel loved beyond anything else.  
My goals for myself as a parent is just to be a child with them.  Hope I can.

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