Judging myself
"I am my own worst enemy."
I am my own worst enemy. I have a 5 year old daughter and 14 month old triplet boys.  My life is hectic and yet as I slip away for that afternoon TV catch up the guilt will fill me up. I have a nanny, she can entertain the boys... I worked today I deserve a break... I feel terrible everyday. 

If I play with the boys I judge myself because I'm a bad parent towards my daughter, if I play with her I get scared that my boys don't get enough stimulation and wont be able to count, read etc.  I'm so tired at night if the boys wake up crying I ignore that... I'm a bad mommy. 

I don't deserve being called mommy. All I do is make sure my kids basic needs are met. Why aren't I doing more? Will my daughter turn into a rebellious teenager? Will I have to go bail out my sons from jail?  Maybe we as working parents mustn't have more than 2 kids. We are not able to cope with all the responsibilities. And when things get more worst I tell myself that my kids didn't ask to be in this world. It's my fault that I can't give them my 100%.
Ok that said, I love my kids with all my heart. I will do every and anything for them. Yes I do eventually get up at night and console my baby. Yes I read to my kids, I sing them songs and do funny faces. I do homework with my daughter and I teach them to pray. Maybe it's good for my children to know that we as humans are not perfect, that we can do our best and yet sometimes fail. Through my tears and laughter I hope they just feel loved beyond anything else.  
My goals for myself as a parent is just to be a child with them.  Hope I can.

Read Parent24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Everything from parties to pre-schools in your area.

Jobs - Find your dream job

Fieldwork Administrator - Wellington WC

Cape Winelands
Agri Technovation
R13 000.00 - R15 000.00 Per Month

Branch Manager

Atlantic Meat
R17 000.00 - R20 000.00 Per Month

Software Developer

Port Elizabeth
S4 Integration (Pty) Ltd

Property - Find a new home