Memories of the SERIOUSLY pregnant
Pregnancy can be a nightmare or a dream come true.
Being pregnant and having children should come naturally for women, or this is the fairy tale that all girls grow up with. "You forget everything else once you hold your baby in your arms," my mom told me when I was pregnant with my first born and I must admit, she hit the nail on the head that time.

The second time around came seven years later, unexpected and unplanned. The backache I went to the doctor for turned out to be not one but two little backache causers. "Twins." I told hubby and watched his face go white. That was the start of our adventure. Have you seen a pregnant walrus? That was me. All clothing soon was way too small. Hubby suggested that I get my clothes from Rent-a-Tent and did that really make him popular! Shoes with heels were only a dream and my utterly non-sexy swollen feet could only fit into hubby's worn out slippers.

Pregnant and clean?

Bath time was an experience out of a horror movie, OK maybe just a very sad comedy. Have you ever tried to squeeze your bloated bod into a bath? No amount of water can cover you and then, trying to get out? "Come help!" I would shout to hubby just as he was watching cricket on the TV.

Showering would be better I thought. The problem with that is that there was no way I could find my feet, no way could I even see them! Washing was thus perilous and fraught with danger. The only solution was for my,(by now frazzled) husband to join me in my shower routine so that he could reach the spots that I couldn’t. Please bare in mind here that he could not fit into the shower with me...

Here's comes the grump!

My stomach and my temper seemed to grow with the same proportions. I was tired and grumpy and now sleep became a problem. The not being able to sleep variety. I could not lie on my back because, apart from the appearance that we were in a tent, from this position I found it impossible to get up. Lying on my side was only comfortable for a short period and if I was facing hubby then the twins would protest by kicking him solidly in the back. The solution? A large continental pillow or two and a mostly sitting-up position.

All the cravings!

I tried to eat healthy, honestly I did, but cravings are not called cravings for nothing! Lemons - I loved lemons and would eat them non stop. Then there was the need for nachos Mexicana. I could not go without it and not a small serving either. Rooibos tea by the gallon and oh for some lovely vanilla ice cream or even better Guido's pizza, a large Tonno with extra garlic and feta. Sorry, but I am starting to salivate and no, I am not pregnant this time!

Trampoline bladder

Did you know that your bladder can be used as a trampoline? My twins found it out very quickly it seems! "I have to go!" I would shout and have everybody scatter to clear my way. Who wants to be flattened by an elephant anyway? Normally these considerate babies of mine would wait until I sat down before beginning their jumping and kicking practice. Getting up out of a chair was the same as climbing Everest and needed much more effort and of course, the kind and gentle hand of whomever was the closest.

It's funny now that I think of it. Could mom have been right about this time too? Am I  actually smiling when I remember my lumbering walrus days? But I'm not telling the kids though. They can find out one day when their own wives become pregnant with the next generation.


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