'I totally understand why some fathers give up': One parent's custody experience

In response to 'South African men are irresponsible fathers': Dad shares his custody experience, this dad wrote in to share his experience of the custody battle.

Read his letter below.

'I totally understand why some fathers give up' 

"Dear Dads,

I totally agree that we are pulling on the short end of the string. I’ve been through a horrible divorce and had to make it through very tough times. Being in jail, falsely accused of assault, was made out to be the worst father in front of the family advocates which the investigation proved that all of the accusations where false and still the parental plan that was put in place was favoring the mother.

I now face the challenge that my two kids being 6 and almost 5, visitations differ and the mom just won’t change it for the sake of the two brothers being together at all times. She abuses the parental plan even to her own favour and won’t take the kids into consideration.

I now have to approach the court again to try and resolve this issue.

So why do they state equal rights, but the mother enjoys much more time with my kids than I do and I don’t have any say over it?

There is absolutely no equal parenting and I don’t see any reason why it should be this way? My question is what can we as dad’s who really care about our kids do to really get equal rights?

My kids can't make a decision for themselves and they are forced to follow what the 'parental plan' stipulates.

'Give us the fair opportunity to enjoy our bundles of joy'

I really struggle with the idea that the father must just obey the unfair rules. The 'system' is not really giving equal opportunity and responsibility and definitely at my kids age equal time.

I totally understand why some fathers give up, because the feeling of being so helpless is one just a father with this battle can understand.

We are men with a heart and feelings that are definitely being hurt when we face this tough battle for our kids. No kid would’ve been born without our roles we played.

So give us the fair opportunity to enjoy our bundles of joy with the same amount of time that the mothers enjoy."

Chat back:

If you are in similar situation you can share you experience with us, and we could publish your mail. Anonymous contributions are welcome.

Read more:

• Black single fathers: a forgotten, but ever-present phenomenon
  
• Read this dad's rousing pep talk and be motivated to stick up for your kids
  
• WATCH: 'I try not to feel guilty': DJ Zinhle and Enhle Mbali reflect on working mom guilt