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A letter to my future daughter, inspired by Annie Reneau's beautiful post on Scary Mommy: 'Dear Daughter: Nice guys aren’t necessarily good men'.
What would you teach your daughter about men and heartbreak? Send us your comments and we could publish them. Do let us know if you'd like to remain anonymous.
Dear Future Daughter,
There are so many things I want for you in this world and, as you can imagine, they're everything of the best. If you’re anything like me, you won’t find it too difficult to navigate your way through some challenges, but we all lose ourselves every now and then, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart.
I know that I am going to raise you to be a strong, self-sufficient and self-aware woman but because the brain unfortunately fails to function once one falls in love, you may have moments where you forget who you are. There are some lessons you’ll have to learn on your own and I won’t always be there to protect you, but if I could ease your journey in some way, then I’ll definitely do so.
Also see: Dear teen me, let’s talk about that boy who broke your heart, sweetie
Firstly, and most importantly, you have to love yourself. I hope by the time you’re a teenager, self-love is something that’s encouraged and not seen as vain or egotistical like when I grew up. Be unapologetic about how hard you love yourself.
I know that someday, you’ll encounter some men (if you’re not into men, that’s cool too) who might make you feel less than who you are. You’ll meet some “bad boys” with whom you may feel that instant connection. I know it’s tough when someone gives you that electric feeling with your stomach just about ready to burst with butterflies, only to have it end in disappointment.
Never lose yourself on a feeling. No matter how cute, charming or artsy they are, or how many cool tricks they can do on their skateboard. It’s about how they treat you, and how they make you feel.
Perhaps you’ll encounter a few “nice guys”, ones who’ll lure you in with pretty words, saying all the right things and since they're such “nice guys”, you’ll believe it. They're a breath of fresh air because they're not like the overt bad boy type but really, it’s all just smoke and mirrors. They'll make you feel special and desired, and we all want that, don’t we?
But eventually it will fade because they had no intention of following through on their promising words and will think it's okay to do the bare minimum. If there's one thing I can tell you, IT’S ALL ABOUT ACTIONS.
Also see: Sulky kids and broken hearts: Help your kids deal with rejection with these 5 steps
I want you to know that if you encounter such people, it is in no way an indication of your self-worth. Besides, the kind of person who makes you feel hard to love is NOT the kind of person you need in your life.
Because one day, hopefully, you’ll meet a genuinely good man, and you’ll know it because he’ll make you feel special and constantly SHOW you just how special you are. A good man, unlike a nice guy, will go the extra mile. He’ll make the time and respect yours, put in the effort and never give you a love that leaves room for questioning.
No relationship is perfect, and there will always be some bumps along the way, but a good man will always choose the path that leads to you and ensures your happiness.
Regardless of the type of man you encounter, getting hurt along the way is inevitable. There will be times you’ll want to spend your days sulking in bed and nights crying your heart out. I've got the chocolate and 'That '70s Show' reruns ready. But please, don’t inherit my habit of curating the perfect sad playlist and listening to it when you're already down (but should you choose to do it anyway, boy, do I have some great recommendations for you).
Also see: We need to take teenage heartbreak more seriously
Never, and I mean NEVER, accept anything less than what you deserve. And if you find that someone isn’t giving you what you deserve, there will always be someone who will.
Even if that person is you.
Love,
Mom
Chat back:
What would you teach your daughter about men and heartbreak? Send us your comments and we could publish them. Do let us know if you'd like to remain anonymous.
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