Q&A: Dealing with losing a baby
I am 39 years old and I don't have children. In March 2006 I had a miscarriage at 4 weeks. In August last year the doctor confirmed that I was 6 months pregnant, but when I went for a check-up a month later he said the baby had stopped growing and no heartbeat was detected. How can I cope? I do have support from my family and friends but when I'm alone it's so hard.

Karin Steyn (counselling psychologist & hypnobirthing practitioner) answers:

I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered. When grieving for a baby you have lost, the process needs the same honour and respect as someone who grives for a loved one- time and support. I know that you have also lost the hope and dreams that were already created when you imagined a life with a baby.

I would recommend that you work through these losses in therapy. You would have to come to some sort of understanding of what these events mean in your life, and finally move through a process of forgiveness and letting go of the past so that you can maintain a sense of hope and faith in the future.

A thorough physical examination might help you understand why you had two successive miscarriages and perhaps identify or rule out any physical causes. There are many online blogs that you could join in order to gain real-time support from other women who have been in your position.

I wish you all of the best on your road of healing.

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