"You wouldn't understand. You've never been pregnant"
Why women need to stop saying this.

When you're pregnant, all kinds of things change. I can only imagine that the emotional and physical aspects of it feel something like the worst premenstrual cramps, combined with a massive hangover and the strain of having to carry a watermelon up Mount Everest to try and save humanity. 

Read more: Dealing with low blood pressure during pregnancy

(I bet any pregnant woman reading this is already cursing me for lack of better understanding). 

I recently learnt a hard lesson when I tried to point out a few things to a friend who's been struggling through her pregnancy.

Choose life

With only but good intention I suggested that she try and practice being more positive, as hard as things were, and implied that I thought she was stressing far more than she needed to. 

Never tell a pregnant woman anything along the lines of "stop stressing so much" or "stop being so negative". Choose life.

I soon felt the wrath and utter fury that happens when a pregnant woman's emotions are questioned, followed by the words "you wouldn't understand, you've never been pregnant". 

She's right. I've never carried a child and I certainly wouldn't know what it feels like. But after working with pregnant women for a few years and seeing the struggles some of them had to go through, I do know that positivity is far more healthy for mother and baby (and everyone else around them). 

Read more: Take back birth

When you're stressed, drained, in pain or your emotions are high, having someone else tell you to look at the positives is the last thing you want to hear. But to your friends who've never been pregnant it's their way of supporting you and believing that you're stronger than you currently think you are. Don't shut them down, they're trying to help.  

How to stay "positive" during pregnancy

There's so much to worry and stress about when you're pregnant. Will I be a good mom? Will my baby turn out to be healthy? Is my relationship going to survive? It's normal to worry about these things, but if your mind is constantly filled with negative thoughts it's going to affect the way you deal with your pregnancy in general. 

Try and stick to a healthy lifestyle. Eating right is a good way to ensure that your body is getting all the nutrients it needs for brain power, energy and physical strength. Light exercise can also help prevent those lazy habits and the endorphins released will make a difference to your ability to stay happy.  

Treat yourself to a pamper session every now and then. Whether it's a pregnancy-safe massage or getting your nails down, make the most of being able to spoil yourself before baby is born and you don't have time. 

Try and understand that those around you only want to support and help you. People are going to say things that get your back up and make you want to smack them silly, (especially the ones who've never been pregnant) but remember that most of them only want the best for you. 

Look forward to becoming a mother and think about all the things you'll get to experience once your baby is born. Bonding with your child, watching them grow, teaching them everything you know about life, these are all the exciting parts of becoming a mother you have to look forward to. 

What are some annoying comments your friends have made when you were pregnant? Send us your comments to chatback@parent24.com 

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