6 ideas kids don't get
Solutions to that crazy preschool thinking.
Sit still. Preschoolers are like sharks. They have to keep moving at all times. When you tell a preschooler to sit still, you better have Barney lined up in purple person, or be intending to hand out sweets. Because unless you are about to do something exciting that’s worth watching, someone is going to kick his brother. Solution:  Perfect a few distractions tricks such as “Is that Daddy, oh no, it is just a tree... ” and games that can be played anywhere like I Spy and My Granny’s Handbag.

Be nice. It is a survival-of-the-fittest instinct among children that causes them to isolate the weaker members of the herd and call them names like Freckle-face Doughnut. This is the preschool equivalent of leaving injured herd members behind to be eaten by hyenas. Asking them to go against this urge and play nicely is about as sensible as asking a herd of buffalo to avoid stepping on the daisies. Solution: The only way to counteract this instinct is by taming one buffalo at a time.

Wait. The biscuits are within reach on the coffee table. But you want your preschooler to wait until dear aunt Gertrude has taken the best ones? This does not compute. Equally, there is no sense in a preschooler’s mind in waiting until everyone is seated before the show begins: I’m here, so where’s Barney? Solution: Hide the biscuits until auntie is ready to chow down.

Don’t mess. Paint is colourful. The lounge carpet is Sahara Sand-coloured and boring. See how much more interesting it looks now that it has a trail of purple paint on it? As for eating a biscuit without leaving a trail of crumbs – why do you want to deprive Fido of his snack? Solution: Lay out a messable blanket and institute a no-moving-while-eating rule.

Not in front of Grandma. You think it’s so cute when three-year-old Fiona says “Thshit” in her cute little lispy voice. Do you really expect her to hide her best party piece when Grandma visits? You’re lucky if she doesn’t call Grandma “That mad old bat” like you did yesterday. Solution: Keep the Granny-abuse for when Fiona is in bed.

Parents don’t control everything. You can “Make it be Barney again” and you can fix broken bicycle tyres. So why can’t you make it stop raining so she can wear her fairy shoes, or fix Murphy the hamster once his wheel has stopped turning for good? Solution:  Make it stop raining, damn it!

Where do you and your preschooler fail to see eye to eye?

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