Moms and teen boys
8 steps to help you through this new phase

Step 1:
Go back to the basics to fulfil his basic emotional and psychological needs: love, trust, acceptance and connection.

Step 2: The 4 Ls
Focus on creating a home that is a sanctuary and an ideal place to grow.
Love -- a connected atmosphere of caring, sharing and loyalty.
Laughter -- fun and play; jokes and games; taking things lightly.
Limit-setting-- negotiable, collaborative, democratic rules, and family meetings that offer the chance for discussion. Respect his privacy.
Linkages -- socialise; have his friends and your friends over; include male role models; father-son activities; community involvement. Make your home a boy- friendly zone.

Step 3:
Knowing what’s wrong without intruding. Follow the FLASH principle:
Allow him to save face, listen, avoid being argumentative, support him, offer practical help. (Adapted from Raising Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers by Elias, Tobias and Friedlander)

Step 4: Understand your son’s and your own developmental phase. Don’t hang on to the past.

Step 5: Own your own stuff and communicate directly how you feel. Consider saying ”I feel” rather than “You make me”.

Step 6: Be conscious of your relationship and what you are modelling.

Step 7:
Be more conscious of your mothering style and needs. Give up prioritizing chores and house rules; make relationships a priority.

Step 8:
Above all let him be who he is.

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