Moms not to be
Ever catch yourself sounding like someone you hate? Which one are you?
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Guilt glutton mom. She feels she has not done enough or felt enough for her children or spouse. She blames herself.
“My children’s needs are more important than mine. I have to make up for not being there all the time. I need to make them happy all the time. They must like me. How can I make it up to her?”

Love-me mom
She often worries about what others will think. Looking good is her protection against this need as deep down she always feels not good enough.
“I am responsible for her happiness. Her unhappiness makes me feel incompetent as a mother. Children should do what their parents tell them. I am embarrassed if they don’t.”

Control-freak mom She likes order and structure, writes lists and insists on things following a routine she sets. There is a hidden fear of letting go and change. She is also anxious or uptight.
“Do what I tell you. Because I say so. You’re under my roof. Don’t ever do that to me again!”

The-things-I-do for-you mom She wants appreciation for her sacrifices and for supplying what she never had. She has not focused on her own life and desires.
“I’ll give you everything I’ve never had. I’ll do whatever you want of me. I work/ live for you.”

Fix it mom She has poor boundaries and sees everything as her responsibility. She likes to be needed. She also wants to please her children. She a ‘do gooder’
“I have to make life easier for them; I can help by doing; ill give you everything I’ve always wanted. I have to make everything right.”

Poor me mom This mum is powerless and insecure. She may be overwhelmed by her duties and her growing demanding children. She does not like criticism and may be depressed.
“Where did I go wrong? I can’t cope. I’m in a mess. Children must please others and make others feel good.”

Look-what-you’ve-done-to-me mom She has not achieved her desires and blames the kids. She can’t take responsibility for her life and choices. She does not really want children or responsibilities.
“It’s my children’s fault that I am not…. You take me for granted. Why do I always have to be the one? I’m drained of everything. I am responsible for everything and worth nothing.”

Megan de Beyer has a Masters degree in Psychology. She practised in both Cape Town and Durban and has run many successful parenting workshops at high schools.

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