Publications
Partners
You both agreed to separate, or perhaps one of you stormed out. Now the divorce is final, but you’re finding it hard not to ask your ex for help when there’s a problem.
After discussing how to parent your children separately, the next big issue is one of finances. Some divorces are drawn-out and involve lawyers and endless negotiations. Some are as simple as each person walking away with their own bank account and one or two assets.
Life is never easy, though, and there’s a chance that something unexpected could happen after you’ve parted ways: A car’s engine blows up, or the fridge breaks down. Perhaps it’s something as simple as a minor surgery not covered by your medical insurance, and you’ll have no other alternative but to approach your ex for help so that the kids continue to be properly cared for.
Some ex-couples are fine with this. They understand that financial pressures create a harsher environment for their children, and, if they’re able, pitch in and offer extra help.
Other ex-partners may have someone new in their lives who resent their new love bailing out a broke ex-spouse. Maybe there is a deadbeat ex who expects to freeload. One of you may be unexpectedly unemployed.
Before you get upset, I realise that each dynamic is different, and there is no ‘right way’ of handling such situations. Nobody wants the kids to suffer as a consequence of the end of an adult relationship- that much most of us would agree on.
I have gone through the agony of being unemployed after divorcing, and the subsequent pressure this put on my ex. While I didn't ask her to support me financially, freelance work barely put a dent in my bills. Neither of us were in a position to help each other out when things got rough, such as medical bills which needed to be paid, or when her car gave up the ghost. The children dealt with their newly modest lifestyles admirably, and didn't resent us for it.
Sometimes, though, the financial pressures life throws at us go beyond the carefully constructed legal papers. Is there a point when you should stop bailing out your ex?
Maintenance agreements are designed to ensure the continued support of the children, but what happens when financial disaster strikes, and it affects the well-being of your children while they’re with your ex?
After discussing how to parent your children separately, the next big issue is one of finances. Some divorces are drawn-out and involve lawyers and endless negotiations. Some are as simple as each person walking away with their own bank account and one or two assets.
Life is never easy, though, and there’s a chance that something unexpected could happen after you’ve parted ways: A car’s engine blows up, or the fridge breaks down. Perhaps it’s something as simple as a minor surgery not covered by your medical insurance, and you’ll have no other alternative but to approach your ex for help so that the kids continue to be properly cared for.
Some ex-couples are fine with this. They understand that financial pressures create a harsher environment for their children, and, if they’re able, pitch in and offer extra help.
Other ex-partners may have someone new in their lives who resent their new love bailing out a broke ex-spouse. Maybe there is a deadbeat ex who expects to freeload. One of you may be unexpectedly unemployed.
Before you get upset, I realise that each dynamic is different, and there is no ‘right way’ of handling such situations. Nobody wants the kids to suffer as a consequence of the end of an adult relationship- that much most of us would agree on.
I have gone through the agony of being unemployed after divorcing, and the subsequent pressure this put on my ex. While I didn't ask her to support me financially, freelance work barely put a dent in my bills. Neither of us were in a position to help each other out when things got rough, such as medical bills which needed to be paid, or when her car gave up the ghost. The children dealt with their newly modest lifestyles admirably, and didn't resent us for it.
Sometimes, though, the financial pressures life throws at us go beyond the carefully constructed legal papers. Is there a point when you should stop bailing out your ex?
Maintenance agreements are designed to ensure the continued support of the children, but what happens when financial disaster strikes, and it affects the well-being of your children while they’re with your ex?
